To Make You Feel My Love
by Ihavemyownmcdreamybutthisisfun
Summary: My take on what might happen post season 3 finale and into season 4, plus some stuff that most likely WON'T happen. Something happens to Meredith.AGAIN, and can Derek help her? Lots of drama with the others too. I'm proud of this one...so READ IT!
1. Chapter 1

To Make You Feel My Love

She stumbled into the bedroom and attempted to rub the blur from her eyes. Longing for the warmth of the neatly made queen-sized bed, she instead opted to plop down in the floor and bury her face into the perfectly vacuumed designer rug…who cared about carpet burn anyway? Oops. Rug burn. Anyway, regardless of the impending damage to her face, did it really matter anyway? "When did the appearance of my face become something that mattered to me?" she wondered aloud to herself. "Oh, yeah….when Burke started to matter to me." She sighed and pulled the closest pillow from the bed above her onto the floor, then gently laid her still curled and bobby-pinned hair onto the pillow. _What am I doing? _She thought as she felt a twinge of pain on the side of her head. She sat up and hastily pulled all the pins out of her head, thick black tangles cascading onto her still bare shoulders. She fell back down onto the pillow and drew in a deep breath, stopping in the middle as she noticed the scent of his cologne deeply imbedded into the rust-colored pillow case. "This is ridiculous!" She heaved the pillow across the room, stood up, and ran to the closet, reaching into the far left corner until her hand caressed the cracked leather. She pulled out the black leather jacket that hadn't been worn in about ten months and shrugged it on. She then slipped her feet into the flip-flops by the door, grabbed a diet coke from the refrigerator, pulled her keys off the key rack, and ran outside.

* * *

"Yang. Unit 32." Christina slammed the key to her storage unit down on the security guard's desk at the storage unit facility.

"You're out early, ma'am," said the overweight forty-something man behind the desk in a uniform.

"Spare me the chitchat. Can I get into my unit please?" Though taken a little aback, the security guard pushed the button that opened the gate and watched Christina march towards the small building that held many of her belongings that she'd put into storage when she'd finally given up her old apartment to move in with Burke. The man chuckled at the site of her: leather jacket, flip flops, bustier, and petticoat.

In the musty-smelling storage unit, Christina checked the fuel gauge on her bike. Somehow, she knew she would need for gas to be left in the tank. "Please, baby, start." She pleaded as she pulled the right handlebar towards her. The engine sputtered then revved up like it had only been sitting there for hours instead of months. "God, if you exist, thank you." She breathed a sigh of relief and pulled the dusty helmet over her head, pausing only for a moment to hack and sneeze a couple of times, then she was on her way.

* * *

"Hey, Iz. You got a minute?" Alex softly tapped on Izzie's bedroom door and cracked it slightly open. It was then that he heard the faint sobs muffled by her tear and mascara-stained pillow.

"Alex, just go away…." She whispered. There was no use in attempting to figure out what was plaguing her at the moment. _Maybe something about Denny…the wedding that could have been…after today's blessed event turned catastrophic? _He shrugged and gently closed the door behind him, then spoke into the crack in the doorjamb. "I'm just down the hall if you need to talk." He looked down at the wrinkled suit then caught a glimpse of his disheveled hair and the dark circles under his eyes in the hallway mirror. _Geez Karev. You're a mess. _He thought as he jerked his jacket off and flung it over the banister. He then proceeded to unbutton his dress shirt and let it fall to the floor. Just as he started to pull the white t-shirt over his head, there was an insistent rap on the front door. He let his shirt fall back over his washboard abs and trudged slowly down the stairs. The knocking continued, getting louder and more persistent. "I know you're in there. Get off your butt and open the door!" Christina's voice, though coming from outside, still echoed throughout the foyer of the old house. Alex scratched his head, unlocked the deadbolt and swung the door open.

"Uh, Christina? Where's Meredith?"

"Seriously? I was left at the altar less than 24 hours ago and somehow this is about Meredith? Seriously!?" Christina dropped her helmet onto the welcome mat and pushed past Alex. Then, she paused. "You mean she's not here?"

"Nope. I was doing the rounds before heading to sleep before I have to go in for call tonight. Izzie's crying in her room…as usual. O'Malley's passed out on the couch. Not sure what that's about…. and Meredith's room's empty. Since she's not with you, I guess she's at Shepherd's."

"She isn't at Derek's….If she's at Derek's I'm gonna kick her ass." Christina said calmly as she slowly climbed the stairs and yawned. "We're supposed to be single now and have each other or something like that. That's why I'm going to go get in her bed. Well, that, and Burke's bed……sucks."

At any other time, Alex would have made a snide remark about Christina in Meredith's bed, but he just didn't have the energy. Not today. The doorknob jiggled and rattled for several seconds before the door front door slowly opened, and she fell sideways into the house, her head making a loud thud on the hardwood floor. Alex stood there, only momentarily, then rushed to her side, dropping to his knees and cradling her head in his hands. "Meredith! Meredith!" he screamed. Her eyes fluttered open and she groaned, then made a feeble attempt to sit up before shrinking back down onto the floor. Alex steadied himself then gently lifted her from the floor and carried into the nearby living room. By that time, George had awakened and was sitting up, rubbing his eyes. "What's with the screaming, Al---MEREDITH!" He immediately jumped to his feet and helped Alex lower her onto the couch. George gently grabbed her wrist and leaned down to her face. "Breathing's shallow. Heartbeat rapid. Shock?"

Alex nodded. "I'll go get a blanket…hospital, I guess." George nodded and slipped into a pair of his old tennis shoes that had been sitting by the couch since he had moved out. He then carefully cradled her in his arms and followed Alex out the back door.

* * *

"Since when do you call Dr. Bailey Miranda?" Alex chuckled slightly despite the intensity of the current situation. George had called Bailey on his cell as soon as they'd gotten into Alex's to let her know they were on their way with an unconscious Meredith in tow. He'd ended the conversation with, "See you in five, Miranda."

"Since today." George looked down at the mound of wavy, blonde hair in his lap and stroked her pale cheek.

"Wouldn't be their last day as interns if they weren't all in big messes. They sure do like to drive me crazy. But, Lord, if you could just touch them all…..and just help them all to make it through, and to be alright, and to live……" Dr. Miranda Bailey choked back a sob and her voice wavered, "And to be happy, Lord…." She was interrupted by the sound of her pager going off. She quickly jumped up from her kneeling position on the linen closet floor and unclasped her hands. As she began to run out the door, she paused, for just a second, and looked up. "You get where I'm going with this," she whispered. "Here we go." She sprinted down the hall as fast as her short legs would carry her. Near the ER entrance, she grabbed a gurney and rolled it outside to where George and Alex were pulling Meredith's limp body out of the car. She helped them ease her onto the stretcher and the three of them ran inside.

The three of them were quickly surrounded by nurses and ER technicians. George began screaming out orders, "28 year old female with possible shock of unknown origin. I need a warming blanket, BP, pulse, temp, and a Neo-Synephrine drip in Lactated ringer's solution. STAT!"

"What happened?" Bailey inquired of the two young men .

"I- I was asleep on the couch when she came in…Alex?" George realized he hadn't even thought to ask.

Alex shrugged. "I don't know. She passed out as soon as she came in the door. I d-don't even know how she got home." The three of them continued to examine her. Dr Bailey pulled the cubicle's curtain shut then gently pulled the jacket and the brown bridesmaid's dress off of Meredith's body.

" She's got some bruising around her shoulders and forearms and some cuts and scrapes." George began to rub her arms, and that's when Miranda noticed the dried blood on his hands. "Where'd that come from?" She asked.

George looked down. "Where'd what come fr—geez! She's all I've touched!" He began frantically searching her body for the source of the blood. He finally noticed the blood crusting in her golden locks and the red puddle that was collecting on the white sheet under her head. He grabbed several gauze pads from a nearby tray and yelled. "Get her up to CT!!!" George and Alex grabbed the bed and began running towards the elevator, her IV bag dangling from Alex's hand. Bailey ran to the nearest telephone to warn radiology that they were coming.

As the elevator doors opened, they met Mark Sloan in jeans and a t-shirt, who didn't say a word, but helped them pull her onto the elevator and pushed the button for the 4th floor. As the elevator began to move, Mark spoke quietly. "Looks like she's gonna need some sewing up. I'll go get one of my kits after you take her to CT and meet you back down there." The doors opened and the two men wheeled Meredith towards the CT room. Mark pushed 6 and let out a low breath. "God bless her. She can't take much more."

Back in the CT room, George, Alex, and the radiology tech examined Meredith's scans closely. "There." George pointed to the screen. "Subdural hematoma, and some cerebral swelling."

Alex nodded. "Looks like she might need a—damn..." He hung his head and stared at the desk he was leaning on.

"A neuro consult." George completed his sentence and sighed.

"She probably needs x-rays, too." Bill, the radiology tech said. "Somebody call neuro, and work on getting her a room, and I'll go ahead and get her x-rays." George and Alex were surprised by the technician's sudden take-charge attitude, yet a little relieved that there was someone there to tell them the next step to take. "Oh, and O'Malley, call your wife."

"Why?" George replied a little defensively.

"Well, she's probably got at least one broken bone and maybe a couple dislocations. Looks like she's been beaten pretty badly." George and Alex looked at each other in fear. She'd been attacked, and neither of them had noticed.


	2. Chapter 2

Bailey was holding her hand in the holding room when she began to stir. She opened her eyes, saw the outline of her mentor and quickly shut them again. "I saw that, Grey," Miranda squeezed her hand. "I know you're awake…not talk to me." Meredith's eyes fluttered open and she stared blankly at her preceptor.

She blinked then whispered. "Why am I here?...Why are you here?"

Dr. Bailey sighed. "You were unconscious. George and Alex brought you in……You don't remember anything?" Meredith just stared blankly ahead. Her eyes began to droop, and she nodded off back to sleep. They'd given her several IV painkillers, so Bailey wasn't surprised. She leaned down and whispered in her ear, "We'll take care of you…just like we always have." She began to walk out of the room and let the nurse know that several people would likely be stopping by to check on her. As she began to walk down the hallway, she saw Derek from afar.

"You've got a possible neuro case for me?" He asked as they approached each other.

"Uh. Yeah. " Karev's bringing up a copy of the scans for you to look at. We'll just wait here at the nurse's station.

Derek leaned onto the desk sighed. "So, have you talked to any of your interns now that aftermath of what was yesterday has hit?"

Bailey closed her eyes and took in a shirt, deep breath. "Not really. Looks like it's going to be bad, though, and they start their residencies tomorrow. Well, most of them."

"Most of them?" Derek was really confused.

"Well, um…might as well tell you…you'll find out soon enough anyway…." Bailey hesitated, then chickened out. "O'Malley failed."

Derek raised his eyebrows. "Really? I guess he _has_ had a rough year, but…really?" Derek couldn't fathom that one of Bailey's five brilliant interns had failed the exam." Alex and George walked up, Meredith's CT scan copies in Alex's hand.

"Here's M..I mean, the patient's scans." Derek took the papers from Alex and began pouring over them carefully. Within a few seconds, Callie rushed up and hugged George.

"I'm so glad you called me. I was really mad at first that you didn't come home last night, but now I know you were taking care of your friends. I—I'm sorry I've been so jealous. So, how is she?"

George continued to hold on to his wife as he glanced at Derek and contemplated what to say. He finally let go. "I think she'll be okay…eventually."

Derek looked over. "Yeah, Burke's downstairs actually…making some calls. So, you think Christina will be alright?"

"She's asleep at the house right now." Alex replied cautiously.

"Is Izzie with her? Somebody should be with her." Callie said quickly as she studied the x-ray films in her hand. "Because it looks like Meredith is gonna need someone to be with _her _for a while."

"News around here sure does travel fast doesn't it?" Derek said defensively. He looked up and scanned the crowd around him. They all looked at him sadly. He still didn't get it. "I mean, this little 'break' we're taking is only like the fifth one, and I think what Christina's going through is far worse right now. I didn't leave Mer at the altar, and I wish everyone would quit thinking I'm such a bad guy. I'm not…really.

"Derek…." Bailey put her hand on his arm. Callie stared at George and furrowed her eyebrows. He shot her a look that said _Don't talk. Not just yet._

"Besides, Christina's her _person._ They will take care of each other." Derek finished his spill and started to walk toward the holding room where Meredith was sleeping. They all ran to stop him.

Alex got to him first and grabbed his arms, turning him around to face all of them. "Shepherd. You need to stop."

"Karev!" Derek attempted to pull away, but Alex tightened his grip. "I have a patient!"

"This patient, Derek……" Bailey walked towards them and drew in a deep breath. Her voice quivered. "It's…it's…." She stopped. _God, help me say this to him,_ she begged silently.

George let out the breath he's been holding. "It's Meredith." Derek dropped his papers and ran into her room.


	3. Chapter 3

She rolled over in bed and started talking to what turned out to be no one. "What time is it? (pause) Where the hell were you when I got here?...Mer?" She groaned and sat up, dropping her feet onto the floor. She stood up and stared at herself in the mirror in horror. There were her smeared "eyebrows," now a gray mass trailing across her lower forehead, and then there was her tangled mess of hair, and there was the corset she was still wearing. _How did I sleep in that anyway? _She yanked the corset off and pushed down her slip. She searched Meredith's bedroom floor something to put on, and settled on a Dartmouth t-shirt and a pair of black sweatpants that were piled by the dresser. She yawned and walked out the door, then downstairs to the bathroom.

After washing her face and searching for the new toothbrush she knew was kept in one of the bathroom cabinets "just in case," she walked into the living room, then into the kitchen. "Meredith?" she said anxiously. There was no answer. "Mer!" she said a little louder. She finally broke out into a yell. MEREDITH!!" This time, she got an answer, from a groggy Izzy who was slowly descending the stairs.

"Geez, do you really have to yell?" Izzy rubbed her eyes and looked at Christina with a half-smile. "Pancakes?"

"Oh, why not?... Where is everybody?"

"Hard to tell these days." Izzie shrugged and sauntered into the kitchen. Christina turned around, picked up the telephone, and dialed Meredith's cell phone. After six rings, Meredith's voice sounded. "Hi leave a message." Leave it to Meredith to have the most boring and emotionless voice mail greeting on the planet. "Mer…where are you? I should have known you would be at your McDreamy's trailer as soon as I told you that you should leave. Whatever. Anyway, you're my person, so the least you can do is call me back." She followed Izzie into the kitchen and yawned. Despite the past 24 hours, she couldn't help but smile at the fact that they were having pancakes at five in the afternoon. Only Izzie Stevens. _They better be chocolate chip, _she thought to herself.

* * *

"Mark Sloan, you better have a really good reason for calling me on my day off." Addison said snidely as she answered the phone in her apartment after about the fifth ring. 

"Addy…." Mark paused for several seconds.

"Yes??" She let out an exasperated sigh. They'd had several telephone conversations before that started out just like this one.

"Addison, I'm done with that stuff. That's not why I'm calling. " He knew what she was thinking. He knew _almost_ everything about her.

"So what other reason do you have to call me?"

"It's Derek."

"Derek?"

"Well, actually it's Grey…but I figured Derek would get you to listen a little better."

"Okay, fine. You've got my attention. What is it?" Addison continued to fold the clean undergarments she'd just brought up from the laundry room, and she still couldn't help but think back to that lacy pair of black panties.

There was silence on the other end of the line. "Mark, if you're not gonna talk, I'm gonna hang up."

"Karev and O'Malley brought her in a couple hours ago. She's hurt. She's hurt bad…."

Addison sat up straighter, her green eyes now flashing with concern. "What happened to her?"

"Nobody knows. She's still drifting in and out of consciousness. I stitched up the back of her head, Addy…her arms, her head…It looked like she'd been thrown up against a brick wall." Mark sat in the hallway floor and buried his face in his free hand. "It's bad…Derek..he… I don't know."

Addison stood up and began gathering searching for a pair of tennis shoes. "But why'd you call _**me**_?"

"Because she needs you."

Addison giggled. "Mark, when was the last time you slept? Are you drunk? You just called Derek a she…"

"No." Mark interrupted her. His voice took on perhaps the most serious tone she'd ever heard out of him. "Meredith needs you."

"She's pregnant?!"


	4. Chapter 4

**I just want everyone to know that I really appreciate your reading and your reviews, and your putting up with all the typos I just corrected. I was almost an English major for gosh sakes! I guess I was just so excited when I would finish writing a section that I didn't think to proofread. Anyway, hope you enjoy, and if you've been waiting for updates, go back to chapter 3 and read what I added to it before****you read chapter 4. Oh, and all that legal stuff about how I don't own Grey's Anatomy, although I wish I did!**

**And on with chapter 4:**

"God, I hope not." Mark sighed. He was really hoping he was wrong about this one, but he also knew that despite the fact that Addison was Derek's ex-wife, she was also probably the only person who could convince Meredith to let her examine her. And, the only person Derek would trust.

"You think she was...?" Addison's voice trembled and trailed off. She was halfway out the door, preparing to go and comfort Derek, but she stopped.

"Yeah…maybe. I hope not, but maybe."

"I'll be there as soon as I can." Addison quickly hung up the phone and ran back into her bedroom to grab her white coat and badge from the arm of the wing-back chair in the corner of the room.

Mark was surprised at how abruptly Addison had cut him off, but it was the least of his concerns at the moment. He could hear Derek's deep voice murmuring on the other side of the door he sat beside. Dr. Bailey and Richard had taken George and Alex downstairs to talk to the police, and Callie stood silently by the nurse's station desk waiting for her turn to examine Meredith, nervously biting her fingernails.

Inside her room, after examining her chart as professionally as he could, Derek sat down beside her bed and gently lifted her left hand up to his lips and kissed it lightly. He'd been hoping to place a ring on that hand one day. Of course, he'd never tell her that, not for a long while, anyway. He stroked her hair with his other hand, being careful to avoid the stitches in the back of her head. He could tell that Mark had placed them there. There probably wouldn't even be a scar. "What happened to you, Meredith?" he whispered. "How did this happen? What were you doing out by yourself?" He was almost scolding her. She groaned and shifted around in her bed, and he quickly dropped her hand out of his. However, she simply yawned and continued to sleep. At this point, he'd done all he could, so he stood up, then bent down and kissed her on the forehead. "I love you Meredith. I'm going to take care of you," he whispered.

He walked out of the room and nearly tripped over Mark, who was sitting in the floor staring at his cell phone. "You hangin' in there?" He looked up at his friend with concerned eyes.

Derek let out a deep breath and sat down beside him. He pulled his knees up and rested his forearms on them. "I guess so. I just don't understand what happened…" Mark nodded and reached over to grab his upper arm and gave his a reassuring squeeze.

"So, the next time we have one of these 'friend moments,' it's gonna be over a couple of beers at Joes. Deal?"

Derek let out a short, quiet chuckle. "Deal."

Callie carefully stepped over them and quietly entered the room. "So what happened to you Meredith? What happened to cause a dislocated shoulder, two broken ribs, and a broken ankle, huh?" She gently lifted the sheet off of the lower left side of her body and picked up her foot. It was bruised and swollen, but she could tell that yesterday it had been perfectly pedicured. "I can tell you wanted yesterday to be perfect," she whispered. She began to carefully wrap her ankle in an ace bandage to keep the swelling down. When she was done, she finished with placing a splint and propping her foot up with a couple of pillows. She placed the sheet back over her legs and moved up to her ribs. She lifted up Meredith's gown and drew in a deep breath when she saw her badly bruised midsection. After she finished wrapping a bandage just above her tiny waist, she looked down and couldn't help but stifle a quick giggle. "I never imagined you to have a belly button ring, Grey," she said, just as if she were talking to her best friend. Now for the hard part. She flipped the switch to raise the head of the bed until Meredith was in a sitting position. She walked over to the right side of the bed and held Meredith's elbow, using her other hand to brace her shoulder. She gave a quick jerk, and as her shoulder popped back into place, Meredith let out a loud yelp.

Outside, Derek began to jump to his feet as he heard Meredith scream, but Mark quickly placed his hands on his shoulders and pushed him back down to the floor. "Callie O'Malley's setting bones. I really don't think you want to go in there right now."

"Ouch! What are you trying to do to me?!" Meredith's eyes flashed with pain and anger as she glared at Callie.

"I'm putting your shoulder back into place," Callie said matter-of-factly. "You'll thank me later. Now, I need you to relax so I can put this sling on your arm." Meredith gave in and leaned back onto the pillow behind her. As she cautiously placed the sling under her arm and pulled the strap around her neck, Callie looked Meredith right in the eyes and asked, "What happened to you?"

* * *

As he, Bailey, and George talked to the police just inside the ER entrance, Alex looked up to see Addison rushing towards the doors. She was probably the most disheveled he's ever seen her, to include right after they'd had sex in the on-call room. Her hair was pulled up into a messy ponytail and she wore cropped gray sweatpants with a long-sleeved, faded pink t-shirt and a pair of running shoes, and there was no makeup. She pushed through the doors and came up to them. He noticed her bloodshot eyes. Had she been crying? One of the police officers interrupted his thoughts. "Well, I guess this is all the information we can get until the young lady wakes up. You have my card. Call me when she does."

Addison, now standing beside them, stopped him . "I'm Dr. Addison Montgomery, OB-GYN. I'll be sure to let you know the results of my exam as well." Bailey, George, and Alex all snapped their heads in Addison's direction.

The tall man in uniform looked down at Dr. Bailey. "You didn't tell me she may have been raped." His words stung all of their ears. George buried his face in his hands and Alex looked down at his feet.

Addison leaned in and whispered in Miranda's ear. "Mark called and said he thought I should take a look at her with the rape kit. I'm sorry, I didn't realize you didn't know…" she trailed off.

Dr. Bailey shook her head. "No, no. I think it's a good idea just to be sure." Tears began to well up in her eyes. "We'll call you." She shook the police officer's hand and he walked away. "She's in the fourth floor holding room while all the emergent things are being taken care of. When you're finished, we'll move her to somewhere more permanent." The four of them walked slowly to the elevator and rode up to the fourth floor in silence. As they stepped out, Addison paused and stared at the scene in front of her. There they were: Two of the most important men in her life, sitting on the floor outside Meredith's room. They looked just like they had three months ago…when they almost lost her. "Let's go, Addison." Miranda nudged her in the side, then whispered, "I'll go get you a rape kit." She gently pushed her in the direction of the two men by the door.

Derek looked up at her. "What are you doing here?" he asked quietly.

"Mark called me."

"Oh."

"Here you go, Dr. Montgomery," Derek looked up at Miranda Bailey, who was handing Addison a purple plastic case. He knew that case. Back in New York, Addison had spent a few years volunteering for the NYPD special victim's unit as a medical examiner in rape cases. He buried his face in his hands and began to sob. Addison quickly handed the case to Bailey and stooped down to the level of Derek's face. She grabbed his wrists and pulled them away from his face. Tears rolled down his unshaven cheeks as he looked up at her.

"Derek, listen to me," she placed her hands on either side of his face to direct his gaze into her eyes. "You do not get to fall apart. That woman in there….that broken woman in there…whether she admits it or not, she _needs _you. So, you are going to put your game face on. You're going to let us take care of her. You are Not. Going. To fall. Apart. You've been in love before. Remember? And you and I both know that only one of you can be broken at a time. This time, it's her, and there is only one person in this world who can put her back together. That person, Derek, is you."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

She'd heard Callie's question, but she didn't choose to answer. She simply stared blankly at the wall in front of her. Callie sat there silently for several minutes with her. _Should I leave her? _she thought to herself. _Do I stay?_ Her thoughts were interrupted by Christina barging through the door. "Meredith Grey, you better have a good excuse for leaving me in the dark here! You can't call your best friend? Seriously!?" Meredith blinked and turned her head to face her, but she remained silent.

"What she means is thank God you're okay." Izzie rushed to her bedside and wrapped her arms around her. Meredith winced in pain and Izzie jumped back. "I'm so sorry!" Meredith continued to stay silent.

"Meredith? Hello?!!" Christina put her hands on her hips and leaned in towards Meredith's face.

Meredith smiled. "Christina, hey."

Christina sat down on the bed beside her and held her free hand. "Hey you."

"How are you, Christina? Are you okay? Is there anything I can do for you?"

"I'm going to be fine, Mer." Christina wasn't sure if she was lying or not yet. Time would tell. "How about you?"

"I'll be fine." Meredith closed her eyes and pulled her hand from Christina's grip.

"What happened, Mer?" Meredith didn't answer. "Meredith Grey, I need to know what happened to you." Still no reply.

Callie stood up. "I'll leave you guys alone. Meredith, let me know if you need anything." She figured that if they were going to get anything out of Meredith, it wouldn't be while she was still there. She reached for the doorknob, but it turned before she had the chance to grab it, and Addison Montgomery nearly ran right into her. Addison jumped back with her eyes wide and her hand against her chest.

"Callie, sorry….didn't mean to startle you…..how is she?" She turned to face Christina and Izzie, who hovered over Meredith's bed.

"It's hard to tell. She's not really talking." Izzie looked up at her with tears in her eyes.

"Well," Addison sighed. "I'm here to examine her."

"Why do you need to- Oh my god, is she _pregnant?!"_ Christina looked down at Meredith in shock.

"No. I mean…we don't think so, I just…" Addison trailed off.

"You mean she was….raped?" Izzie whispered the last word as tears rolled down her bright pink cheeks.

"I don't know…" Addison grabbed a nearby stool and pulled it over to Meredith's bedside. She opened the kit and began laying out instruments on the bedside tray table. "You are welcome to stay with her if she wants."

"No." Meredith said hoarsely as she opened her eyes.

Addison was surprised. Her green eyes got wide and her mouth dropped open. "You really don't want them here?"

"Meredith, I think you should..." Meredith interrupted Christina's plea.

"NO."

"Okay, we'll go." Izzie started towards the door.

"Get out! All of you!!" Meredith's eyes flashed with rage.

"Meredith…" Christina's usually emotionless eyes began to feel with tears and she reached to touch her arm.

"I said get out!" Meredith jerked her arm away from Christina, only to be ravaged by pain. She screamed out as Christina began to get up from the bed, but quickly sat back down to give her hand a reassuring squeeze.

"Go ahead. I promise I'll be quick." Addison looked over at Meredith sadly. "Can I go ahead?"

"NO!!" Meredith shrieked. "Go away! I don't want this! I don't need this!"

"Meredith, please…." Addison lovingly touched the sheet that covered her legs.

"I wasn't raped!!"

"You're sure?" Addison pulled away from her, but continued to stare into her eyes. "You suffered a pretty severe blow to the head…."

Christina looked at Meredith's determined gaze, then glanced back over at Addison. "If she says she wasn't raped, then she wasn't raped! You should go."

Addison sighed and quickly gathered her things back up as Izzie watched sadly from the door. Meredith reached out and gave Christina's sweatpant-clad thigh a weak nudge. "You should go, too," she whispered.

Christina stayed put. "I'm not going to leave you, Mer."

"I said to go!" Christina stubbornly got up and sat down in the chair a few feet away from the bed. She crossed her arms across her chest. "Good enough?"

"Christina, she needs her rest…." Izzie began to follow Addison out the door.

"Get out of here!!!" Meredith demanded.

Christina squeezed her eyes shut then opened them. She stood up hesitantly and walked back over to Meredith's bed, bending down to kiss her on the cheek. "Just so you know, I'm not going anywhere. I'm sitting right outside your door." With that, she turned and followed Izzie out.

Derek stood up quickly as the three women filed out of the room. Addison shook her head slowly. "She won't let me check her. She says she wasn't raped, but I don't know…."

Derek gulped and ran his fingers through his hair. "I need an MRI to check on the swelling. Someone bring her down." He turned and walked towards the elevator. Mark jumped up and began to follow him, but Addison gently pressed on his chest t o stop him.

"Give him a minute." Mark nodded. Addison was right, he probably needed his space.

**Sorry this was a little short. I'll add soon, I promise! But, while you're waiting, check out my other "closet hobby"- a video I made with the same title as the story, but with a totally different theme..sort of : **


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey everyone! I adore the reviews and I thank you oh so much!!! Please continue reading and posting those reviews! I kind of feel like the story is going in slow motion, but I feel like the first few hours are going to be the most important. It will probably move along pretty well in the next couple of chapters. Let me know if you have any suggestions!**

Chapter 6

"Looks like the swelling's gone down some. That's good news." Richard Weber looked over Derek's shoulder in the MRI observation room and startled him when he spoke.

Derek jumped a little and turned around to face him. "Chief! When'd you get here?"

"I heard her screaming from inside Adele's room. Thought I recognized the voice, but I would have come out to help anyway. This is still my hospital, remember? I mean, someone didn't want to take it from me." Chief Weber placed his hands on his hips and looked into Derek's broken eyes. "We had to sedate her to get her down here, you know. She wouldn't let anyone near her to even wheel her down the hall."

"I should have been there…."

"Dr. Shepherd, I don't think you could have done anything either. She's really having a hard time. Maybe the head injury. I don't know."

"She's still bleeding despite the decrease in swelling," Derek muttered. "I might have to go in…"

"You'll do no such thing, Dr. Shepherd. You're way too attached. If something goes wrong…"

"You kept me away from her once, and you're not doing it again," Derek interjected. "Besides, we're on a 'break'."

"Well, even if _she _is, you're definitely not breaking, so…no. I'll do it if we end up having to cross that bridge…" Derek gave up. He knew he wasn't going to win this fight. Not today, anyway.

"You'll take one of them with you? One of her friends…please? Someone has to be with her."

"She'll be taken care of, Shepherd." Chief Weber gave him a reassuring squeeze on the shoulder and turned to walk out. He was replaced by Preston Burke in the doorway.

"How is she?" he questioned, as he sauntered in and pulled out the two chairs by the table in the corner of the room. He offered a cup of coffee and motioned for Derek to sit down.

Derek hesitated, but eventually fell down into the chair beside him. "You know, I should have been comforting you today instead of the other way around."

Preston leaned back in his chair and put his hands behind his head. "So it goes… I put in my two weeks notice today."

"Oh?" Derek acted surprised, but considering the circumstances, he really wasn't.

"Christina needs her space, and she really has the chance to grow here. She'll replace me in a few years. Until then, we can refer to Dr. Hahn at Mercy West, or Bailey can handle it, or whatever. It'll be fine."

Derek sipped his coffee and paused, trying to say something that didn't involve Meredith. "So, where you heading to?"

"Not sure yet. I got an offer from Vanderbilt a few weeks ago. I'd be doing some teaching in the medical school, and of course heading the cardiothoracic surgery department. It's only a little bit better pay, and of course at the time, I couldn't have asked Christina to do any more for me than she was already doing. Couldn't possibly uproot her. But now, looks like it's still open, so I'm going to interview next week. I've got offers in Lexington, Kentucky at the Gill Heart Institute, and at Temple University in New Orleans. I'll stop by those too."

"Kentucky, huh?" Derek had always been intrigued by the nature there. He'd even camped there a couple times. He actually spent a few days there on his way from New York to Seattle.

"What can I say? I'm a basketball guy."

Derek began to laugh, then stopped himself. He wasn't allowed to laugh. Not today. "Have you seen Christina?"

Burke sighed and sat up straighter in his chair. He pulled the glasses off his face and began cleaning them with his t-shirt. "I will. I know I should talk to her soon, but I'm just not sure how to go about it."

Derek winced at the mention of her name. "I should go see how she is." He placed his hands on the arms of his chair and stood up.

Preston quickly jumped up and put his glasses back on. "I'll go with you," he offered.

"Really, you don't have to do that." Derek jumped with the loud beeping of his pager and quickly grabbed it from the waistband of his navy blue scrubs. "Damn it! It's the ER…."

"Go ahead down there. I'll meet you upstairs. She's been moved to 614, by the way."

Derek groaned. "Fine. This better be quick." He ran out of the room and towards the stairs.

* * *

"Um…Christina…" Izzie grabbed Christina's arm and she looked up to see Burke walking towards them.

"Oh dear god," Christina breathed. She quickly looked the other way where she saw the O'Malley's in a heated discussion in the waiting area. She pulled her hand towards her mouth and began chewing her thumbnail. Burke stopped just a few feet away and stared at her. That's what she did when she was nervous- incredibly nervous. He'd noticed her glance in his direction and knew she'd seen him. Izzie, Alex, Mark, and Addison all looked back and forth between the two of them as Burke stepped closer and stooped down to her eye level.

He gently grabbed her wrist and pulled her hand away from her mouth. "You're going to make it bleed. A surgeon's no good with a bad thumb." She averted her eyes toward his and quickly put her hand in her lap.

"It's bad, Burke," she whispered.

"I know." He squeezed her hand and sat down in the floor in front of her, his dark blue jeans pulling against his knees. "But, her heart's beating, she's breathing on her own, her body temp's normal. All in all, I'd say there's a pretty good outlook."

Christina stared at him with her nearly-black eyes wide. "Since when did you turn situations like this medical? SHE'S MY PERSON!" The others quietly got up and walked away as she continued. "We should be at Joe's right now downing shots of tequila while she hugs me and promises everything's going to be alright. And, just when I thought it couldn't get any worse it has!"

Burke reached his hands up towards her face and gently stroked the hair out of her eyes. "Shh..I know."

"You left."

"I did. You needed me to leave…."

"But it's _your_ apartment," she argued.

"It's yours now if you want it."

"But where are _you _going to live?"

Burke sighed. He knew he would have to have this moment with Christina soon. "Take a walk with me?"

"I can't leave her…."

"Only a few minutes. Everyone else is here. Bailey's saying she shouldn't wake back up for a while." Burke slowly stood up and reached his hand down to her to help her to her feet.

She crossed her arms indignantly and looked down. "Christina….please….." She looked up at Burke's pleading chocolate eyes and sighed. After several seconds, she finally reached up and placed her hand in his. He clasped his strong fingers around hers and pulled her up slowly.


	7. Chapter 7

**Congratulations! You get two chapters in one night! I'm really proud of this one, so I hope you like it as much as I do. Thanks again for reading :-)**

Chapter 7

"I put in my two weeks notice." Preston Burke had always been an eloquent speaker, but at this moment, he just didn't know how to start, so he just blurted it out.

Christina sat down on the bottom of the bunk bed in the on-call room. She looked down and began panting. "I…I…I….,"

"Christina, breathe."

"I..I'm not surprised." She looked up at him with a slight smirk on her face.

"You're not?" Burked fell down to his knees and leaned his elbows on the bed beside her.

"You packed your things. You took everything that was important to you…except me…and you left."

"Christina…" he looked up at her and inched closer until his arms were draped across her lap. "You're so very important to me. I love you in a way that I thought I would never love anyone. That's why I have to leave you."

"You are Preston Burke, world-renowned cardiothoracic surgeon, the most intelligent person in this hospital—next to me, of course—and you're not making any sense." Her eyes pleaded with him. _Make sense, Burke. Fix me. Make it better._

Burke let out a low, deep, breath and continued. "I fell in love with Christina Yang, a sassy, no-nonsense, hard-working, vivacious young woman who wouldn't let anyone tell her no or hold her down. Then, I gave her a key to my apartment, and on the very same day, I asked her to move in with me. Then, she showed me her apartment, and I couldn't see the floor because of the colossal mess. She didn't want to give up that apartment, but eventually she did… for me. Then I got shot, and it left me with a hand tremor. She became both my right and left hand, my true companion both in the OR and out, but she was the one who let the secret out when she knew we were doing wrong, and even though I was furious with her and I pushed her away, I still knew that she did it for me. Then when we didn't speak to each other for weeks, she spoke first, because she loved me. She did that for me, too. Then, I asked her to be my wife, and she said yes. She said yes for me, and it was the best day of my life. She said she wanted a small wedding, just go to the justice of the peace and do it quietly without a big to-do. But she decided we could go all out, for me. She put on the Burke family necklace and let my mama do her eyebrows. I'm sorry about that by the way…. And she did it. She did it all for me. Now, it's time for me to do something for her…." A single tear rolled down Christina's cheek and he gently wiped it away from her porcelain skin with his thumb. "I tried to turn Christina Yang into a Burke, into the woman I wanted her to be, and that was wrong. The Christina Yang who was getting ready to walk down that aisle towards me was a beautiful, charming woman…but she was not the woman I fell in love with. I d-don't know _who _she was, but she was putting on her makeup and lacing up her dress, and holding the bouquet, and because I know Christina Yang, I know that she didn't recognize herself either. I realized that I wasn't being fair to her. And I'm sorry that I didn't realize it sooner. I should have never put her in that position. I should have never tried to change her and make her struggle so hard to find herself again." He stopped to breathe in and out for a few seconds as he closed his eyes and attempted to regain his composure.

"I love you, Christina Yang, and the best way I know to show my love for you is to walk away. I'm walking away, because I want you to be the stubborn, sassy, determined, independent woman I met… the woman I fell in love with, and the woman I know you long to become again. I will always love you, and maybe one day we can come back together, but that can only happen once you really know yourself, so I'm walking away. I'm setting you free. Free to fly on your own for a while."

Tears flowed freely from her eyes, but she managed to smile just slightly. "I'll always think of you Burke. Everyday."

"So will I," he nodded.

"I think I'm going to be okay….."

"I _know_ you're going to be okay."

"Don't expect to come back here in five years expecting a job. You know it's going to be mine."

"Oh, I know."

She laughed through her tears and reached down to pull him up to her level. "I love you."

"I love you, too." They kissed quickly and he stood up, turning around to walk out the door. He paused in the doorway and turned around to face her. "I'll be checking up on you."

"I wouldn't expect anything less," she replied. He stood there for a few seconds, and they just gazed at each other, taking each other in. She was entranced by his masculine body, his deep, soulful eyes. He was amazed at her beauty and strength, even underneath the smudged eyebrow pencil and the dismantled dark curls that surrounded her face. He finally turned around and pulled the door closed behind him. He was gone.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

"So….what are you going to do?" Callie couldn't help but feel guilty. George had just told her he'd failed his intern exam, and she knew deep down that she had something to do with it.

He looked down at his feet and swallowed the lump in his throat. "I don't know. I didn't know how to tell you…that's why I didn't come home last night. And…there's Christina and Burke, and Meredith… I don't know how everything got so screwed up!" He was near yelling as he slumped down into the waiting room chair and looked up at her.

She swallowed the lump in her throat and pushed a thick black strand of hair out of her eyes as the eased herself down onto the worn green chair arm beside him. "I'm so sorry, George," she whispered. "For everything." She looked down, her long wavy hair falling in her face as tears slowly coursed down her cheeks. She studied the thin wedding band on her finger through the blur as it caught a glint of fluorescent light.

"Hey….." he placed his hand on her blue-scrub clad knee and pushed himself up to face her. With his other hand, he pushed her hair back out of her face and stroked a tear away from the clear olive skin of her cheek with his thumb. "What do you have to be sorry for?"

"I…I ruined your life!" she cried as she buried her face in her hands.

George grabbed both of her wrists and pulled her hands away from her face. "Listen to me," he said as he leaned his face in towards hers. "You did NOT ruin my life."

"I did, George. Before we met you were performing open-heart surgeries in the frickin' elevator! As an intern, George! You know what I was doing during MY intern year? Learning how to use the x-ray machine! You were living this happy little life with your best friends. Then, you meet me, marry me, and fail your intern exam! I've distracted you. I've driven you crazy during the past few months. I've driven this gaping hole between you and your friends…."

He let out a low breath. "I can't argue with you about that last part. You've been a little silly about my friends, Callie." He smiled. "But you're coming around. It's been a really big adjustment this year. But listen, the before I met you part….you've got that all wrong."

She furrowed her eyebrows. "Hmm?"

"I was living a miserable little life just trying to fit in, and trying to get Meredith Grey to acknowledge my existence as something other than the little brother figure who lived down the hall. I was insecure and confused, and just trying to make it out alive."

"And I killed you. You didn't make it out alive," Callie interrupted, then paused for a few seconds. "Meredith? Really?!"

"Yeah. It seems silly now…seeing how much she Derek loves her. I always thought I could love her so much better than he could. I can see how wrong I was now. Nobody will ever love her like he does. And….. nobody will ever love me like you do." He closed his eyes and gulped, imagining a look of desperation on Izzie's tear-stained face. "Nobody. I know that now."

Callie knew he was right about that one. She just wasn't sure if the opposite was true. _Would George ever love her in the way that she loved him?_ She nodded and smiled. "I'm really glad that you realize that, George. But, I still feel like I ruined your life."

"You didn't. I'll prove it to you one day…I promise." With that, she got up and looked down at him. I should really go check on Meredith. I'm guessing she'll wake up soon…and in a great deal of pain."

George sighed and watched her walk down the hall. Across the room, he saw Addison get up from her position on the couch between Derek and Mark and walk towards Alex, sitting down in the floor beside him.

Alex was dozing lightly, his head leaned back against the wall when he felt a hand on his upper arm. "Alex…" he heard in Addison's whispered voice. It was strange how he'd come to know even her whisper. He opened one eye and looked at her.

"Yeah?"

"I don't want to pry, but…..Ava?"

_Dammit._ He knew that one was coming. "Is on her way back to Spokane, or wherever it was that she cam from."

"Oh Alex." She squeezed his arm gently. "I'm so sorry…."

"Yeah…it sucks."

"Alex…."

"Listen, Addison. I really don't want to talk about it, but for what it's worth, I know she's not the one I need to be with." He stared ahead, not ready to look her in the eye.

She sighed, and tears began to well up in her eyes. "Listen, Alex. I'm leaving."

He nodded slightly and bit his bottom lip. "That. Really. Sucks."

"It's too late for us." She breathed.

"I'm really going to miss you, Addy." He grabbed her hand and finally turned to look her in the eyes. In her beautiful, emerald eyes. "I'm going to miss an amazing OB-GYN mentor. They better get a damn good replacement-- someone who is at least half as awesome as you are. I still have a lot of learning to do."

She smiled. "That you do."

"But…" he paused. "What I'm really going to miss is…. An amazing friend."

She closed her eyes and shook her head as to clear the water out of her ears. Had she heard him right? She opened her eyes and gazed across the room. She finally understood why he'd never totally warmed up to her in the way she'd wanted him to.


	9. Chapter 9

**This is another short one, and I'm sorry, but my creativity only seems to be coming in little spurts. Sorry it's been a while. I've been on vacation :) ****. BTW, keep those reviews coming! They make me want to keep writing!**

Chapter 9

Izzie Stevens walked into the room with her head held high. She glanced slightly at George, then over at Addison and Alex, and kept walking. She sat down on the couch next to Derek and placed her hand on his knee. "Just thought you might want to know she's awake. She's asking for….Christina, but I'm sure she'll want to see you soon." She smiled and stood up, waiting for Derek, who eventually got to his feet, but rose very slowly. Izzie took him by the arm and led him towards Meredith's room. "I think she'll be okay. I really do," she said cheerily. Mark Sloan chuckled at the spectacle before him. Was this the same Izzie Stevens he'd caught crying in the storage closet, like, four times this past week? And what was up with O'Malley and his longing stare? Not to mention…Addison? Why was she looking at her like that? _That'd be hot, _he thought to himself. However, he quickly reprimanded himself, feeling guilty for such a thought on a day like this.

* * *

"Izzie says Burke was here." These were her first words as Christina walked into Meredith's room.

"Yeah, I made her Mer-sit while we talked." Christina said as she sat down in the chair beside her.

"So how'd that go?"

"Surprisingly well, actually."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

Meredith looked up at Christina with a slight smile in her eyes. "I told you he wasn't really gone."

Christina sank in her chair. "No, Mer. He's gone. On his way to the airport as we speak. He's leaving Seattle."

Meredith's slightly hopeful face dropped and tears began to well up in her eyes. "Oh."

"But Meredith, I'm okay." Meredith remained silent except for short gasps of air. "Meredith?"

"It hurts, Christina," she cried.

"What hurts?"

"It hurts! Gosh, it hurts!!" Meredith reached her hand up to her head and sobbed.

"Your head, Mer? Does your head hurt?"

Meredith nodded slightly as Christina rushed out the door to where Derek and Izzie stood in the hallway. "Derek, her head. She's screaming about her head hurting!"

Derek said nothing, but sprinted into her room, where she lay writhing in what appeared to be excruciating pain. "Meredith!" He was at her bedside cradling her within nanoseconds. "What does it feel like? Sharp? Constant? Pounding? Pressure? What is it Mer?"

She sobbed loudly. "I can't take it! Make it stop!"

"Talk to me. I need to know what it feels like." He fell to his knees and cupper her chin in his hand, turning her face towards his. "I need you to help me," he begged through his tears.

"I can't, Derek. It hurts. I can't breathe!!" She took in short gasps through her tears. "I can't!" she was the most hysterical he'd ever seen her, and he was scared.

"1000 mg gabapentin. Now!" he screamed. Outside, Izzie jumped to attention and ran to the nurse's station. "Meredith, shh." He coaxed. "Please. You have to stop crying. The pain will only get worse if you keep crying. Please….don't cry anymore." He slid into the bed beside her and wrapped his arms around her. As he bent down to kiss her on the forehead, she thrashed wildly and the top of her head rammed into his upper lip. He winced in pain, tasting the slight metallic taste of blood in his mouth, but he continued to hold on to her.

"Derek, NO! I can't breathe!"

"Yes. You can," he replied calmly, slightly loosening his grip on her as he realized that he was probably putting too much pressure on her currently very fragile body. Izzie hurried into the room with a syringe in hand. She slowly pushed the needle into the stopper on the lower end of the IV bag. "Chase it with five Ativan!" he demanded. Izzie, already knowing that this would be the case, reached into the side pocket of her scrub pants and uncapped another syringe. She disposed of both in the sharps container in the corner of the room and quietly slipped out. Derek held her for only a couple more minutes, until her thrashing stopped and her body fell limp into another restless stupor.

He looked up to find Sloan propped against the door frame, his arms crossed in front of his chest. "Callie gave her fentanyl and hydromorphone only an hour ago. She shouldn't have been in pain like that."

"I know." Derek took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. He pushed the heels of his hands to his eyes and rubbed fiercely, then stood up tiredly.

"You need sleep," Addison interjected from behind Mark.

"And Meredith needs another scan. Maybe swelling? Pressure?" He grabbed her chart from the foot of the bed and flipped through it. "It just doesn't make any sense. She seemed to be improving."

Alex sauntered into the room, followed by George. They each kicked one of the wheel stoppers on her bed so that it would roll freely and began slowly maneuvering the bed out of its spot against the wall. Izzie crept into the room and stepped around Derek to where Meredith's IV bag hung on a pole beside her bed, and Christina followed, walking to the other side of the bed. Izzie grabbed the IV bag with one hand and held it around the level of her head. She pushed her other hand against the railing on her side of the bed to ensure that it was secure. Christina did the same on the other side and then grabbed Meredith's hand, squeezing it tightly as the bed rolled toward the door. Derek stepped out of the way toward the window first. Then, Mark, and Addison stepped to either side of the doorway as the five former interns squeezed through the door turned down the hallway towards the elevator.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

They looked on as Derek and Mark studied her films carefully. Silent. Throughout their intern year, they'd grown so close that silence was enough. Miranda, Richard, Addison, Christina, Izzie, Alex and George huddled close together and stared through the thin glass pane that separated them from the two men in the shadowy room in front of them. Callie had volunteered to sit with her, promising that she would page them if there was any change. George quietly slipped his hand into Izzie's and squeezed hard. Her head whipped around until her eyes met his. He shrugged his head in the direction of the storage closet down the hall and he pulled her toward him. They slipped down the hall unnoticed, hand in hand.

George gently closed the door behind him and motioned for her to sit down on the bed. She looked up at him expectantly and tucked her long blonde locks behind her ears. He'd always loved her to wear her hair down, and she didn't do it nearly enough. "There are so many things I need to say to you, Iz," he whispered as he sat down beside her and took her hand again. "I need you to listen."

"I'm listening, George." She smiled and turned her body towards him, bending one knee and placing her other hand on her sneaker in front of her.

"I mean, really listen." He pleaded. She nodded, and he looked down for several seconds attempting to gain his composure. When he looked up, he immediately began speaking. "I love you, Isobel Stevens. I love you in a way that nobody else will ever love you." Her smile widened and she leaned closer. He tensed up and pushed her hand away from him, but didn't let go. "But one day, someone will come along, and they will love you deeper, and harder, and more passionately than I could ever imagine loving you. You are the best friend I have ever had, and the most beautiful person I have ever met, both inside and out." Her smile faded only slightly and she listened more intently. "But I'm not in love with you. Not the way you think you're in love with me." Her face dropped and she pulled her hand away from his. "You and I both know that if we hadn't gotten insanely drunk and unruly, we would have never slept together. Oh, you would have still been jealous of Callie and thought you were much better for me than she is, and all of that. But, you wouldn't have woken up with me next to you, thinking that maybe it felt right. That maybe I could be your happily ever after. "

Tears coursed down her cheeks and she sobbed quietly as she looked down at her hands. He placed his index finger under her chin and tilted her face back up towards his. "But you don't love me the way that you so badly want to." He paused. "The way you loved Denny." She quickly jerked away and turned her back to him. He helplessly watched the quick rise and fall of her shoulders as she wept openly and loudly for several minutes. Finally, he inched closer to her and wrapped his arms around her shoulders from behind. He squeezed and rested his shin on her shaky shoulder. "Shh. It's okay," he whispered softly into her ear.

"I was sitting right here," she said quietly, her voice weak and unsteady, "When I realized that I loved him."

"Izzy, I'm sorry," he breathed.

She slowly turned around to face him. "No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I let it happen."

"Don't be," he said simply. They stared at each other, holding each other's hands for a couple of minutes before he began to speak again. "There's something else."

"What is it, George?"

"I failed my intern exam."

Another tear cascaded down her cheek. "I'm so sorry. It was my fault."

"No, Iz. It wasn't. That's the same thing Callie said, and I told her the same thing. It wasn't anybody's fault. These things happen. Did you know that I barely made the program? I was waitlisted, and somebody dropped out. I found out the day before we started. I'm a bad test-taker, so my scores weren't quite what the rest of yours were. I took the MCAT three times and USMLE step 1 twice."

"I never would have guessed."

"It's true. And, the fact that a lot was going on at the time, and that I caught Meredith with a blank answer sheet, well, it was bound to happen." He shrugged. I was shocked, but I wasn't all that surprised, it that makes any sense."

"It doesn't, but okay. I'm still so sorry…. What happens now?"

"I have two choices: drop out all together or do my intern year all over again. I cleaned out my locker last night."

"Oh, George. No. As your best friend, I refuse to let you just give up."

He smiled. "And Callie helped me put everything back in it an hour ago."

* * *

They all met in Meredith's room early the next morning. Meredith seemed a little better, or at least conscious and talking, which in their eyes was a gigantic step in the right direction. After more coaxing for her to tell them what had happened to her, they'd finally given up after she'd eventually replied calmly, "It was a mugging. Simple as that. Now, can we all go on with our lives?" Christina sat on the bed beside her, George and Izzie sat on the windowsill, and Alex leaned against the wall opposite Christina's side of the bed. George calmly told Alex, Christina, and Meredith what he'd told Izzie the night before, and though they were initially shocked and confused, they put on their best "supportive friend" faces and agreed that he was doing the right thing.

Meredith slowly attempted to sit up, grimacing only slightly as Christina held her upper arms and helped her get upright. "Look at you guys, all ready for your first day of work as second-year residents. And here I am looking all pitiful in a hospital bed. How many of you are going to come examine me during the day just as an excuse to brag about all the new privileges you have?" They all glanced at each other nervously, and she made the realization. "Um, sorry George. I didn't mean to…"

"It's fine Meredith, really. I should go, though. Interns start earlier than everyone else, remember?" George pushed himself up from his seated position on the windowsill and sighed. "See ya around…maybe." He crossed the room and walked out the door. "Dr. Shepherd." He nodded in Derek's direction. He'd been camped out beside her door with a pillow all night long, slipping into her room occasionally to check her vitals and EEG patterns.

"George." He nodded back in the intern's direction. By now, word about Dr. O'Malley had spread to the attending, and they'd all reacted in the same manner….shock. "How is she this morning?"

"Looking a little better, doc." George continued down the hallway in the direction of the stairs as the door shut behind him. Derek crept to the long, rectangular window on the side of the door and stared into her room. Her bruises were really starting to show now. A blotchy, bright purple hue covered one side of her face, and her right eye was nearly swollen shut, yet he could still see her smile. She was laughing, smiling, and he had nothing to do with it. But, her smile was beautiful. A little crooked, but still beautiful.

**Thanks for still reading everyone! Hope you're liking it, and I hope to update and get the story really moving very soon. But, if you're bored, check out the video I made with the song this story's named after (link at bottom). It doesn't really go with the story…yet, but maybe a little foreshadowing…who knows?**


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

"She won't let you see her?" Addison looked down at Derek with her hands on her hips.

He looked up at her from his seated position on the cold linoleum floor. "She'll let me come in the room, and I talk and I talk, but she won't talk back. Not a word, Addison."

She sighed and plopped down beside him. "Well, she's been through a lot. Not just the mugging, but you know, everything." She took in a deep breath and let it out. "Don't give up on her, Derek."

"Ha!" He let out a little laugh and used one hand to push himself up to a standing position. "I'm not worried about _me_ giving up, Ad."

A blonde nurse in pink scrubs timidly approached them with a folder in her hand. She reached it out to him and said quietly. "Her latest films, Dr. Shepherd."

He looked down at them for a moment before cautiously reaching out for them. "Thank you Candace." He nodded at her and opened the folder slowly. "I should look over these," he said, looking at Addsion, who stood up after him.

"Sure, of course. I have a c-section in 20 minutes anyway." She began to walk away, but turned back around to face him after only a couple of loud high-heeled steps. "But Derek…. Promise me something?"

"Yeah?"

"Call me if you need anything, and….take a shower."

He allowed a slight smirk to form on his face. "Okay, fine." As she disappeared down the hallway, he looked down at the documents in his hands and studied them for a couple of minutes, his brows furrowed in concentration. After seeing all of them, he let out a long breath that he didn't know he'd been holding and closed the folder, then he turned and placed his hand on the doorknob in front of him. He hesitated, then turned it and slowly pushed the door open. As he walked in, she turned her attention to him, but she still greeted him with the same blank stare she'd been giving him every time she'd seen him in the past twenty-four hours.

"How is your head? Any pain?" He looked at her intently, yet not really expecting an answer. She blinked a couple times and shrugged. "Okay. Good? I guess…" he trailed off as he walked over to sit down in the chair beside her bed. "Your swelling's gone down considerably." He paused and looked up as he ran both of his hands through his hair. Meredith's heart nearly skipped a beat and she smiled slightly, but quickly covered it up as he looked back down at her. "But there's still a lot more bleeding than I'd prefer. So… Webber and the neuro resident on call will likely have to go in and cauterize the bleeders."

She was caught off-guard. "Weber?" She questioned, one eyebrow slightly raised.

"You can speak..that's good. Yeah. Webber. He says I'm too emotionally involved and all that jazz, so he won't let me near you in an OR…"

"Well, you should do it Derek. You're not too emotionally involved. Not anymore." She looked into his eyes for the first time since their apparent "breakup" two days ago.

"But Meredith…" he placed his hand over hers, being careful not to disturb her IV line. "I still am."

She quickly pulled her hand away and rolled over to face the wall on the other side of her bed. "You shouldn't be," she said quietly. He knew this conversation was over for now, so he got up and started out the door. As the light from the hallway flooded in, he heard her tiny voice again. "Derek?"

He turned around to face her. "Yeah?"

"If anybody's going to cut my head open, it better be you, so tell the chief there's not attachment…no reason you shouldn't be doing this surgery."

"Yeah. Okay." He turned around and shut the door behind him, the loud slam reverberating down the hallway much louder than he'd intended. As several doctors and nurses stopped what they were doing to look over at him, he raised his hands in defense. "Sorry," he mumbled, and walked down the hall towards Richard Webber's office.

* * *

"Meredith!" He whispered loudly. She rolled over and groaned painfully, but didn't awaken. He rolled his eyes and gently nudged her in the arm with his elbow. "Meredith!" he said louder.

She snapped her head in his direction and opened her eyes. Her right one was still nearly swollen shut. "What do you want, George?" she said hastily.

He grinned and handed her an icepack. "Put this on your eye."

"George O'Malley, if you woke me up to hand me an icepack….."

"That's just a little bonus."

"Shouldn't you be working?"

"I'm one of Bailey's interns again, and well, I'm her favorite you know."

"Oh, I see…she sent you to make sure Meredith Grey isn't circling the drain, right?"

"Actually, she said to get out of her face while she tried to teach the new interns a bunch of stuff I already know. I'm supposedly doing that 'most promising intern appendectomy' right now." He grinned and shrugged. "No appendicitis today, so I'm here to entertain you." He motioned to the wheelchair positioned by the door. "Your chariot awaits."

She moaned. "No offense, George, but I really don't feel like being wheeled around the hospital while the rumor mill runs rampant and everyone whispers about 'poor Meredith Grey'."

"But we were gonna go do that thing we used to do!" He whined like a three-year old and stomped one foot .

Meredith laughed at his antics, despite the fact that she had no idea what he was talking about. "What thing, George?" she giggled.

He groaned and sat down on her bed, placing his hands on either side of her. He leaned in towards her face and whispered, "You know…. _That thing."_

She stared him with a puzzled look on her face for a few more seconds before the light bulb in her head went off and she nodded knowingly. "Oh…_**that **_thing. Sorry George, but I'm not up to it."

"C'mon Mer. I know what you need."

"George…I really thought that last time was the last time…"

"Well, I'm going to do that thing, and you can come with me, or you can lie here and be miserable. Your choice."

"Fine. Help me get in that stupid chair on wheels, then." She reached out her arm that wasn't in a sling, doing her best 'damsel in distress' impression. George laughed silently to himself. Her impression wasn't nearly as convincing as the real thing, but things were so much better when it was just a silly impression.

He rolled the chair over to the side of her bed and let the railing down on that side. He then wrapped one arm around the small of her back and used his other hand to pull her legs over to the side of the bed so that she was in a seated position. "Try not to put any weight on that ankle, or you'll regret it," he said as he began to raise her up in order to ease her into the wheelchair.

* * *

The trip to the labor and delivery floor was relatively uneventful, and soon they were standing with only a thick pane of glass between them and seven healthy newborns. He had his arms wrapped around her, gently enough that he wasn't disturbing her broken ribs much, but securely enough that he was supporting much of her weight. She leaned against him and nuzzled her head against hid neck. "Thank you, George," she whispered.

"Nothing like a baby to lift the spirits, huh?" Izzie said cheerfully. She'd seen them from down the hallway and quickly joined them, placing one hand on Meredith's arm, and her head on her shoulder.


	12. Chapter 12

**Once again, thanks for reading, and I love reviews! This is where it starts to get interesting. It's a little intense, so don't say I didn't warn you!**

Chapter 12

She awoke with a jolt. Sitting up quickly, in a motion that now was only moderately painful, she rubbed her eyes and searched frantically for the lamp on her bedside table. She was going to have a hard enough time getting to the bathroom on her own, let alone in the dark, so in desperation, she screamed. "Alex!!!"

He opened one eye slowly and glared at the fluorescent alarm clock on his nightstand. 5:00 AM. Izzie wouldn't be home from her night on call in the NICU for hours, so he wasn't getting out of this one. He grunted and rolled out of bed, pulling on a pair of plaid flannel pajama pants. He then ran into the hallway and bounded up the stairs, taking them two at a time, until he was at her bedroom door. He pushed it open and ran to her bedside, flipping on the lamp beside her bed. "Are you okay? What is it?" he asked hurriedly.

"I needed a light, and I couldn't find it. Now, get me to the bathroom before I throw up all over those cute little pants."

He looked down at her worriedly. She actually looked green. Silently, he bent down and scooped her up in his arms, walking quickly but steadily to the master bathroom she'd been forced to use since it was now too difficult to make it down the stairs to the one she preferred. At any other time, she would have objected to the blatant macho-ism he was displaying, but at this point, she was too busy trying to choke down the contents of her churning stomach. He flipped the light on and eased her onto her feet. She immediately hit her knees and heaved into the toilet for a couple of minutes. She sat up weakly and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. "Thanks, Alex. You can go," she muttered, before bending over the toilet again. He rolled his eyes and bent down behind her, pulling her honey-colored tangled mess of hair into one of his hands and resting his other hand on the middle of her back. His palm could feel her body trembling slightly, and the trembling grew into violent shaking with each passing second. He pressed harder against her back in an attempt to steady her until she finally collapsed backwards into his arms. He cradled her emaciated body with one arm and leaned towards the edge of the bathtub to grab the wash cloth he assumed she'd used the night before, still damp because she never bothered to ring out washcloths before hanging them to dry. He held the cold blue terrycloth to her forehead, then her cheeks, and the back of her neck for several seconds each before tossing it back towards the bathtub and pulling both of them back up to their feet. He bent his knees and began to pick her back up, but she interrupted him. "I can walk. If I don't walk, I'll never get my strength back." He nodded and wrapped one arm around her, slowly leading her back to her bed.

"Don't fall back asleep yet. You need fluids," he said to her matter-of-factly as he turned to go downstairs. In the kitchen, he opened the refrigerator and grabbed a bottle, then pulled a glass down from one of the cabinets and filled it with ice from the ice-maker. As the cubes of ice made loud clinks against the clear glass, his mind began to wonder. Meredith had been home for a little over three weeks after a five-day stay in the hospital. Luckily, the bleeding in her brain had stopped and retreated just hours before her scheduled surgery, and Dr. Shepherd had opted not to do it. Alex had never felt so lucky to be holding a girl's hair back while she puked. Over the past three weeks, because George was married to the chief resident, and because they were Bailey's favorites, and also because Richard Webber had a soft spot in his heart for Meredith Grey, at least one Seattle Grace doctor had been off on each day she'd been home to stay with her. She only protested on the days that it happened to be Mark Sloan…or Derek Shepherd. Mark was simply a nuisance himself, and Derek was, well, Derek. To everyone's surprise, she and Derek still hadn't seemed to resolve things, and she was cordial with him and let him take care of her the best he could, but she never kissed him or hugged him, no matter how hard he tried, and he'd yet to be able to carry on a conversation that made them seem like more than simple acquaintances. Alex and Izzie had of course done double duty since they lived with her, and often spent late nights together wondering if things would ever be the same again.

Now, she'd apparently come down with a stomach bug. The last thing she needed as her body attempted to heal was dehydration and weight loss. Alex had spent two other times this past week holding her hair back as she kneeled over the toilet, and knew that some of the others had done the same. He sighed and trudged back up the stairs. Meredith lay flat on her back looking up at the ceiling. "Sit up, Mer," he demanded softly. She groaned and pulled herself up as he moved the pillow below her from beneath her head to behind her head. He shoved the glass at her hand and laid a paper towel with five saltine crackers on it on her lap. She reached out for the glass of chartreuse-colored liquid and took a sip, immediately wrinkling her nose.

"What is this?" she asked suspiciously. "It looks nuclear-related."

"It's Gatorade," he said simply. "Now drink up."

"It's disgusting." She began to hand the glass back to Alex.

"But you need electrolytes." He pushed the glass back towards her. "Drink," he said sternly.

Her face scrunched up and tears began to roll down her cheeks. She pulled the glass up to her mouth, her hand shaking as she choked back a few drinks.

"Hey….not that big a deal. I'll go get you some ginger ale…" Alex began to take the glass out of her hand. She instead slammed it down on the nightstand with a thud and held her hands over her face, now sobbing audibly.

"Meredith…." He sat down on the bed beside her and placed a hand on her knee. "This isn't about Gatorade, is it?"

She now laughed and cried loudly at the same time, in typical Meredith fashion. "No!" she shrieked, as she hunched back down in her bed and crackers spilled onto the comforter, her sobs becoming less and less interrupted by laughs. He looked on helplessly as her body shook violently.

"You need to calm down. You'll throw up again," he begged her, but she continued to cry. Minutes turned into close to an hour as her cries eventually melted into soft sobs, then the occasional sniffle, as tears continued to stain her pillow. He continued to sit beside her, afraid to leave.

"Mer," he whispered. "You've been some other person since that day we took you to the hospital." He stroked her cheek, brushing tears away, then climbed over her and settled into the bed beside her. "What happened to you, Meredith?"

She rolled over and stared at him, fresh tears still glistening in her eyes. "You're dark and twisty like me, Alex…right?"

He sighed. "Yeah, I guess so."

"Well, you tell me what happened to you….." She drew in a shaky breath. "And I'll tell you what happened to me."

"Wow." He pushed himself up to lean on one elbow, looking down at her. "Didn't think it was going to come to _this,_ but here goes….."

She blinked in surprise. "Really?"

"On the day of the wedding, when I left before the nuptials that never were...I went back to the hospital. To Ava's room. I was ready to go tell her I loved her, and I couldn't imagine my life without her. Hell, I was ready to raise a kid. But, she was gone. All of her…gone. I sat down on her bed and felt sorry for myself, for…I don't know…thirty seconds? Then, I ran back out to my car and to the ferry pier. I knew they'd be going back that was since that was the way she'd come, right? I got there. I got out of the car, and there she was. Baby in her arms, 'husband' carrying luggage and a stroller, but she didn't see me. I panicked. I didn't want to bring her and that little baby into my screwed up life. So, I just watched her. I watched from a distance while my entire life got onto that boat and drifted away." He brushed a tiny tear away from his cheek. "Then, I went to Joe's and drank myself silly, like I usually do. Talked to Preston Burke---have no idea what I said. Then, I came home and there you were. Beaten and broken, Meredith. And for, like five hours, I didn't think about her. I worried about you…..then damn Addison Montgomery has to bring her up, and I haven't stopped thinking about her since. I'm such a loser, huh?"

Meredith laughed quietly. "There for a minute you had me going, Alex. But, you and I both know that's not what I was asking about. What happened to you Alex? What made you evil spawn? What made you and I strangely connected to each other, because for some reason, we seem to understand each other?"

He sighed and fell onto his back, staring up at the ceiling for a few seconds. He rolled back over to face her, propping himself back up on one elbow. "You're not gonna let this go, are you?"

"Not if you don't let _this_ go," she whispered, pointing to herself. "Now, go, Karev. Leave me alone. Get out of here."

He ignored her. "I was seventeen," he began. "I was a senior in high school. Wrestling team, baseball team, athletic trainer for the football team, basketball team, and swim team. I was into all that because, well…I never wanted to be home. My dad….hit my mom. Alcoholic. I would come home at least twice a week to find her curled in a ball in the corner of the living room. I'd ice her bruises, clean her cuts and scrapes. I….I even splinted her arm once. All that first aid training, you now." He took in an unsteady breath. "My little sister was always sent to friends' homes for sleepovers, especially on nights dad went out drinking or days they'd fought, because mom didn't ever want her to see what he did to her, and was naïve enough to believe that "Mommy's just clumsy" crap."

"You have a sister? I didn't know," Meredith said quietly.

"I _had_ a sister."

"Oh. You don't have to keep going, really."

"No, it's fine. If it gets something out of you, then maybe it'll be worth it. But, Mer, I swear I'll kill you if you ever tell a soul." He continued with his story before she had a chance to respond. One night, I got home after a girl's basketball tournament and his car wasn't in the driveway. I could actually remember passing him on the road a few minutes before. Everything was so quiet. Too quiet. Once I got in the front door, I could hear mom crying. She was in her corner in the living room again, but this time, Cassie was there with her. Her name was Cassandra. She was eleven. She wasn't breathing. Bastard got mad, and she was in his way. Beat her up. I did everything I knew to do. CPR for hours. Cracked a couple ribs…. But she was gone." Tears rolled freely down his cheeks and he hastily wiped them away with the back of his hand.

"Alex, really, you can stop. I'll tell you, you don't have to…" But it was too late. Everything he'd held inside him for the past ten and a half years came pouring out.

"My testimony in court put him away for life without parole, and I was glad to never hear from him again. Mom slit her wrists a couple months later. I wasn't there for that either. But, she always blamed herself for letting him get Cassie, and I could never convince her otherwise. Really, she would have never smiled again, so it was good that it was over. I was eighteen by then and I went about putting the house up for sale and fielding scholarship offers. I went to Iowa, as far away from Miami as I could imagine going. I went to med school, and now I'm here. I couldn't take care of them Meredith, but please, let me take care of you." He was spent, and he let his face fall into the pillow that only Derek and Christina used to touch. "Your turn," he said, his voice muffled.

Meredith reached over to hug him. "I'm so sorry I made you spill all of that. If I had known…."

"It's okay. Really, it probably needed to get out. I never told a single soul I met since left home for good. Only you, now. Maybe Izzie someday."

She nodded and began to talk. "I was on the way home from Burke's apartment." Christina ordered me out after our second bottle of chardonnay, and I assumed I should probably listen to her. I obviously couldn't drive, so I walked. I must have looked like an easy target, walking down a dimly lit alley in a bridesmaid's dress. I guess I was. He came out of nowhere, Alex. I'd never seen him before in my life, and he just attacked me. I was too drunk to fight much. I did everything I could, but I just couldn't get him off of me. He was too strong, too….disgusting. He ripped my dress up once he'd nearly knocked me out with a brick wall. He raped me, and there was nothing I could do about it, and the only person I could think of was my father. The only thing I could think was that every other daddy in the world would find a gun and track the asshole down, but not mine. He'd probably be happy it happened." She broke down into tears again.

He wrapped his arms around her and squeezed, whispering into her ear. "Shh, Mer. It's over. Don't think like that."

"I just couldn't tell anyone. I was so scared. I didn't want anyone to know. I…I didn't want to have to see him again, so I just decided to let it go. And Derek…can you imagine how Derek would respond? I can't do anything but push him away, Alex, because I can't imagine a man ever touching me again!" She was yelling now, shaking more violently than she had all morning.

"I'm touching you, Mer, and I'm not hurting you," he whispered. "I won't hurt you. George won't hurt you. Richard won't hurt you…he'll hurt the guy that did this to you…and Derek….he would never….he loves you."

"My father loved me too, Alex, and he left me. And Derek, he loved me before, remember? And he left me, too! And now my male roommate is hugging me, and even now I'm feeling a little uncomfortable, and I was raped! And I've been throwing up for days, and I'm late!!!"

Her words hit him like a ton of bricks. He tightened his grip on her and gently rocked back and forth on the bed. "Damn," he whispered to himself.


	13. Chapter 13

**I apologize that this one isn't nearly as exciting as the last one. I'm off work today, maybe another chapter in a few hours. Hope you like it and give me good reviews anyway!**

Chapter 13

After about ten minutes of just holding her, Alex looked over at the clock. 6:30. He had to be at the hospital at seven. "Mer, I won't if you don't want me to, but I should probably go…"

"No Alex. It's fine. Go." She pulled away from him and sniffled, using the palm of her hand to wipe the tears from her cheeks. "But uh…don't tell anyone about this, okay?"

"Of course not." He got out of bed and began walking towards the door. "You need anything before I go?" he asked as he turned around and leaned his hand against the doorframe.

"Tequila," she replied assertively.

"Very funny. Drink your Gatorade, Grey." He turned and trampled down the stairs, and she was alone. Alone and exhausted. She fell backwards onto her pillow and fell into a fitful, but restful, sleep.

* * *

"Callie, I'm sorry. It's negative." Addison Montgomery walked into the exam room and pulled her reading glasses off.

"Oh." Callie looked up from her nervous fidgeting. "It was just wishful thinking….I haven't even missed a period yet….due tomorrow actually. So, um…these things can show false-positives early on, right?"

"Callie, these things can take a while." Addison sighed and sat down beside her, placing a hand on her knee. "There's absolutely zero HCG level, so it's probably really negative this time. Give it some time."

"Sure. Yeah. George and I will have a baby eventually, I guess. I do really wish that he or she would end up having an aunt Addie around, though." Callie looked at her sternly. "I really wish you wouldn't go off to LA, Addison. You're like, the only friend I've ever had."

Addison laughed. "I'm sure that's not true."

Callie shrugged. "Have you told anyone else yet?"

"Just Richard, and you already know about Alex."

"So you're just going to slip away into oblivion without so much as a goodbye to anybody?"

"I've said goodbye to everyone who will care, Callie. I feel good about this, really. I need to start over." She thought back to the day she came to Seattle and became "ruler of all that is evil." She then remembered the day she'd found Meredith's panties in her husband's suit jacket, and the day the divorce was finalized, and the day she'd thrown her rings into Elliott Bay. She was a new person now, and she needed a new life. She remembered the words Miranda Bailey had said to her. "No man, not Derek, not Mark, defines who you are."

"Addison?" Callie cocked her head to the side and looked at the woman beside her who was now staring at…nothing… and wasn't responding to her words. "Addison!"

"What!?" she shook her head quickly from side to side and brought her gaze back to Callie. "I was having a moment there."

"Obviously."

"So you were saying….?"

"I was saying that I know at least one person who'd really care if you went away without saying goodbye."

"Oh? And who is that?"

"Mark."

Addison snorted and let out a small giggle. "Oh please, Callie. Can we not go there?"

"Why not go there?"

"Well there's the whole man-whore thing, or have you already forgotten now that you're married?"

"But wasn't there some sort of 'deal' going on about that?"

"Yeah, and he broke it, okay? Now can we drop it?...Wait a minute…I didn't think I told you about that…."

Callie grinned sheepishly. "You know he talks too much…"

"He told you?"

"He seemed really sure of himself, too…." She immediately pulled her lips together in a thin line as the door opened and Meredith Grey poked her head through the opening.

"Uh…sorry." She quickly pulled the door back together.

"No, Meredith! It's fine. Come in!" Callie said loudly enough for her to hear.

"You sure? I can wait…" Meredith opened the door again but still only peeked her head in.

"Come on in." Addison stood up and opened the door. "I was just leaving. You guys have an appointment, don't you? You're hoping to get back to work soon, I suppose?"

"Yeah…..But would you mind staying for a minute?" Meredith bit her bottom lip and looked up at her.

Addison looked down, her eyebrows raised. "Why?"

"Well, you're the only person I know who knows the situation, and specializes in these kinds of things…I…dammit…."

"Meredith?" Addison looked down at the broken resident who slumped into the chair where she had been sitting. She was blinking rapidly in an obvious attempt to fight back tears. Addison stooped down to her eye level, carefully smoothing down her black pencil skirt.

"So I was going to try to be all casual about it. Oh by the way, I've been a little nauseous, I'm a couple days late. Maybe I should take a pregnancy test just to be sure…." Meredith's once bright blue eyes welled up with tears and she no longer tried to blink them back. They spilled over and coursed down her cheeks, smearing the black mascara that she'd put on for the first time in over a month.

Addison carefully placed a hand on Meredith's knee. "You need a pregnancy test."

"Yeah. It's silly, but I couldn't bring myself to pee on a stick. I can get someone else to do it. You were just here first is all." Meredith rambled.

"Shh. Slow down. Just wait here. I'll be back." Addison stood back up and straightened her white coat before walking out the door. Once outside, she leaned back against the door and drew in a deep breath. Could this really be happening? The "perfect twelve-year old" pregnant with her husband's…ahem…_ex-husband's _baby? She laughed in spite of herself. Of course, Meredith wasn't quite so perfect any more. What, with the near death experience, the death of her mother, the obvious daddy issues, a mugging that nearly killed her…again, and whatever it was that wouldn't allow Derek to get close to her? Maybe this is what they needed, she decided. Nothing like a pregnancy to bring a couple together. Well, except in the case of she and Mark. She'd regretted giving that baby up so many times in the past couple of months, but of course, that had nothing to do with Mark. Then there was the miscarriage she'd had just a couple years into their marriage. She'd never seen Derek so excited, and never so devastated as when she'd spontaneously aborted at 13 weeks-- and to think that she'd been secretly relieved. "Karma sucks," she whispered to herself as she finally pulled away from the door. So anyway, perhaps Derek might get his "happily ever after" after all. "And what becomes of me?" she asked herself aloud as she continued down the hallway.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Dr. Miranda Bailey placed her hands in the pockets of her lab coat and paused to gather her composure before knocking on the chief of surgery's office door. It wasn't like she could run away now, since the chief's office was enclosed in glass on two sides and he'd already seen her approaching his door, acknowledging her presence with a nod in her direction and a slight smile. "Here goes nothing," she said under her breath as she raised her fist and gently tapped on the door.

"It's open!" he yelled cheerfully from inside. Though everything in her told her to run the other way, she knew it was too late, and she'd have to go ahead and get this over with. She pushed the door open slowly and entered the room cautiously. "Miranda Bailey, what can I do for you this afternoon?" Richard Webber looked up from his stack of paperwork and smiled. "Let me guess. Don't tell me you've got intern troubles. The new ones have got to be easier to deal with than your last set. Speaking of that, how's Grey doing?"

"Um, she's doing a lot better chief," she looked down at her green Crocs. "Little Will and I stayed with her a couple days ago. She's getting around pretty well. Just slowly. I think Dr. Torres-O'Malley will clear her to return to work pretty soon."

"That's good." He nodded. "That's not what you're here to talk about, though, is it?"

"N-n-no chief," she stuttered.

"Go on. Out with it." Dr. Webber leaned back in his large wing-backed chair and crossed his arms over his chest, smugness dancing across his face.

"Chief Webber, Richard, sir…." she stammered as she sat down in one of the two wooden office chairs facing his desk. "I know I'm out of line, but…" She trailed off and bit her shaking bottom lip.

"But what, Miranda?"

"I-I just need to know, chief. I need to know….why? Why didn't you choose me to be chief resident? I've tried so hard to be patient about it, to shrug it off, Chief, but I can't. I have to know." Richard Webber smirked, his arms still crossed around his chest, and his shoulders shaking from the silent laughter that was racking his body. "Richard Webber, are you _laughing_ at me?" Her dark brown eyes flashed in anger as she leaned her elbows against the top of the mahogany desk. "This is no laughing matter! Can't you see that I'm upset about this?" He continued to laugh, this time out loud. Dr. Bailey stood up and slammed her hands down on the desk. "I thought you were a professional, dignified man….my mentor! I come to you seeking answers, and you give me…this- this little fit of giggles?!" she spat at him as she turned to walk out. "Seriously?"

"Stop Bailey. Please? Ahem." He cleared his throat and straightened back up in his chair. "I'm sorry. Haha! Oh my…" he sighed.

Dr. Bailey whipped around and placed her clenched fists on her hips. "Chief? Are you out of your mind?"

"No, Dr. Bailey." He shook his head and placed his sternest expression on his face. He pointed to the chair she'd abandoned in front of his desk and glanced at her. She sighed. For whatever reason, that teddy bear of a man could still evoke fear in her—In Miranda Bailey: the nazi. She sat down and crossed her arms.

"You better make this quick chief. I've already wasted too much time doing this," she said indignantly.

"I'm retiring, Miranda," he said quickly.

She furrowed her brows, uncrossed her arms, and stared at him. "But Chief, you withdrew your resignation…"

"That's what I told everyone…yes. After Shepherd turned me down, which I knew would happen, actually, I simply did what I had sincerely wanted to do in the first place, if it weren't for Adele…and the urgency to retire so I could be with her, you see…"

"Um, no chief..you're getting a little off the subject…" she cocked her head to the side and stared at Dr. Webber worriedly.

"Actually, no, I'm not." Chief Webber leaned forward and looked at Dr. Bailey, his tone suddenly turning serious. "I chose you."

"You chose me for what?"

"For chief."

"Sir, are you okay? Callie O'Malley has been running around doing chief duties for over a month. What the heck are you talking about?" Richard dissolved into laughter again.

"Oh Miranda," he laughed, placing a hand on his bouncing stomach. "I didn't think I'd end up having to spell it out for you like this. I chose _you. _Not Shepherd, not Burke, not Colin Marlowe. I chose you to be the chief of surgery. I wouldn't trust anyone else with the job, and I know there are a lot of things I've done wrong that you will be able to do right, Dr. Bailey."

"Sir…."She blinked in disbelief and fell backwards into the padded back of the chair. "I'm just a _resident._ You do realize that, don't you, Chief Webber?"

"Yes, Dr. Bailey, I realize that. That's why my resignation withdrawal wasn't actually withdrawn, but postponed—for two years. That gives me time to help you get settled into the job, to learn the ropes, to do some more surgeries and gain some experience. That's why I didn't give you chief resident, Miranda. I wanted you to just take this year to become the best damn surgeon you can before you end your residency. The surgical chief resident gets so bogged down in administration that it's the "number two" guy who gets all the surgeries. I was chief resident, you know. Ellis Grey was furious, but _she _was the one who went on to have procedures named after her. If she hadn't…slipped away like she did, well, she'd be sitting in this chair. Not me." Dr. Bailey simply stared at him, her eyes wide and her mouth agape. He smirked and continued. "So, I didn't choose you as chief resident because I wanted to be fair to you, and to this hospital. The board of trustees knows my decision, and we've already scheduled my announcement for about a year from now. I'll pronounce you chief-in-training, and for the next year, I'll slowly hand all of my work over to you, then I'm taking Adele to Europe for…well, as long as she wants."

She was stunned. All she could mutter was an, "Oh."

He smiled and nodded, then leaned back and placed his hands behind his head, clasping his fingers together, and crossing his legs. "So now you know."

She stood up shakily and smiled back at him feebly, feeling quite ridiculous, yet elated at the same time. "Thank you sir," she said as she turned and began to walk towards the door.

"I'll see you around, Miranda."

"Likewise, Richard." She held her head high and opened door. In her giddiness, she failed to see Addison Montgomery, who was scurrying down the hallway with a stack of papers in her hands. "Oh, Doctor Montgomery, I'm so sorry," she said as papers fluttered like confetti onto the linoleum tiles on the floor. "I didn't see you."

"No harm done, Miranda," she replied as she stooped down carefully to begin picking up papers she'd dropped. Dr. Bailey quickly bent down to help her, and froze when she caught a glimpse of the lab results that had fallen right beside Addison's black Prada heel. That poor girl just never could seem to catch a break, and now, just as another disaster in her life had begun to fade away, Meredith Grey was pregnant.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Alex stopped in his tracks as he saw Meredith slump down into the floor outside an exam room in the OB/GYN wing. He quickly handed a patient chart to a nurse and jogged towards her, quietly slipping onto the floor beside her. "Need some company?" he asked quietly.

"Sure. Why not?" She turned to face him, and he could tell from her bloodshot eyes that she'd been crying. It was a look he'd grown accustomed to as for the past week or so since she'd told him about what happened to her, her quietest sobs could awaken him from his deepest sleep. He'd always tip-toe upstairs and hold her until she fell back to sleep, then slip quietly back down to his room, praying that Izzie didn't hear him leaving his room or coming back from her room next door. "I'm waiting on Dr. Montgomery," Meredith whispered to him.

"Why are you…." He began to question her, but the realization suddenly clicked in. "Oh." He grabbed her hand and pulled it towards him. He kissed the back of her hand gently and placed it back onto her bent leg. "Everything will be fine," he reassured her, giving her knee a squeeze.

"Easy for you to say. You're not the one harboring the seed of a rapist," she said matter-of-factly. He raised his eyebrows at her graphic bluntness. "It's been a hard life, Alex."

"This is know, Mer. This I know." He scanned the hallway to see Addison walking quickly in their direction, her heels echoing through the cold corridor. He quickly jumped to his feet and looked down at Meredith, reaching out a hand towards her. She bit her lip and glanced up at him nervously. He winked and gave her a slight smile, then extended his other hand as well. She closed her eyes and breathed in and out slowly, then placed both of her hands in Alex's. He clasped his fingers around her cold, sweaty palms and pulled her up carefully, not letting go until he was sure she was steady on her feet. He wrapped one strong arm around her tiny shoulders and leaned into her ear. "I can come with you if you want," he whispered. She gulped and nodded.

Addison had reached them by now and she looked at Meredith with questioning eyes. "It's okay, Dr. Montgomery, Alex lives with me, so…he knows."

"And I'm here to give me support," Alex chimed in.

"Um, okay then." Addison was clearly taken aback that Alex Karev was here with her, and not Stevens or Yang, but she didn't question it. "Come on inside." The three of them filed into the tiny room, and Alex hopped up onto the exam table, patting the space beside him. She raised an eyebrow and glanced in the direction of two chairs sitting in the corner, but obliged and eased herself up beside him.

"I've always found it easier to take the news when my feet don't touch the floor and I can swing them back and forth," he whispered into her ear. She stifled a giggle, then remembered the weight of the situation and quickly became silent.

"That's absurd, Karev," Addison remarked as she pulled a chair towards them and sat down. "But are you ready, anyway."

"Yes." Meredith nodded. "No. Yes."

"Okay then, it's positive, and I'm guessing you already knew that, since you're a doctor and all." Meredith gulped and nodded, and Alex protectively squeezed her hand.

"So um, while I have you here, I'd like to go ahead and do an exam, see if everything is okay…that sort of thing, it it's okay with you?"

"Yeah. It's fine." Meredith replied hoarsely. She blinked and swallowed hard. Her tongue felt like sandpaper.

"When was your last menstruation?"

Meredith closed her eyes and counted. "May 15th or so."

It was now Addison's turn to pause and count. "That would make you approximately five weeks along, give or take a few days." Meredith nodded. She pretty much knew that too.

"Your morning sickness started pretty early, then," Alex remarked.

"How long?" Addison questioned.

"Two, three weeks ago," Meredith replied.

"Okay. How is that now? Still pretty bad?" Meredith and Alex both nodded. "I'll write you some promethazine, then—for when you really need it. Ginger helps too." Meredith nodded. Again, stuff she already knew. Addison looked down for a few seconds, then looked up and pushed a crimson strand of hair behind her ear, glancing at Meredith from beneath her reading glasses. "I know it's not my place to ask, but a lot has happened to you, Meredith, and you're going to need a lot of support through this. Plus, well, you're tiny, so you'll show more quickly than most women would. So, um, does Derek know?"

Meredith wasn't surprised that she'd asked, so she was prepared to answer. "Actually, it's not his," she said quietly, looking down at her swinging feet.

Addison raised and eyebrow in surprise, then noticed Alex's hand softly stroking Meredith's. Her eyes grew wide. "Oh! I didn't realize…."

Alex quickly caught on. "No, Addison. God no! It's not like that!"

Addison crossed her arms and stared at them in amazement. "So what? A drunken night, and you cheat on my ex-husband?"

Meredith continued to look down in shame. Alex quickly jumped to his feet in her defense. "Damn it, Addison! Take it back! You don't know anything!"

"Oh, really? You love her, then?"

"Addison, listen to you! Do you know how irrational you sound? She was raped damn it!" Alex's cheeks were flushed in anger as he grabbed her shoulders and stared at her angrily.

"Alex!" Meredith hissed.

"Oh, gosh, Meredith. I'm sorry….I….I overreacted. I'm so sorry," Addison stammered.

Meredith crossed her arms and looked over at Alex, who was still standing over a broken-looking Addison. "What happened to not telling anyone, Alex?" she growled at him.

Defeated, he placed his hands on his hips and looked down at the floor. "I'm sorry, Mer."

She sighed. "It was going to have to come out eventually, since it's not Derek's, I guess rape victim sounds better than slutty whore."

"Meredith…." Addison placed a hand on Meredith's knee and looked up at her with moist eyes. "Why didn't you tell me before? There were things we could have done…."

"I know. I know. I just….I didn't want to re-live it. If I had reported it, and let you do the rape kit, you would have caught him, and I would have had to identify him, and I just….I…" Her breath caught in the back of her throat and she let out a sob. "I don't remember. I was drunk. Christina and I…we drank and drank that night. It's how we deal with things…or…avoid dealing with things. I can't even remember if I fought! I just remember that it happened…." She broke down into gut-wrenching sobs, and Alex immediately rushed back to her side.

"Meredith…shh…" He sat down beside her and pulled her face into the crook of his neck. "These walls aren't sound proof…."

Addison sighed and stood up. She placed her hands on Meredith's upper arms and turned her body to face her. "You fought, Meredith. I know for a fact that you fought."

"What? How could you possibly know that?" she sniffled.

"When they arrested him, he had a broken nose, a black eye, and a severely injured, um, scrotum. Your heels, I'm guessing." Addison grinned sheepishly.

Meredith wiped her eyes with the heel of her hand and pulled away from Alex's body. "But how did they know it was him? I…I never….."

"Meredith, I planned to never tell you this, however unethical it was. But now, I guess I have to. I believed you, that you weren't raped. I don't know why, but I did. You were so hysterical, and I couldn't get near you, but…I noticed blood underneath your fingernails, so after they put you out, I swabbed underneath them to get a sample to send to the crime lab. Christina was there….and I guess she's your next of kin, so…."

"I guess…." Meredith was pale and quiet.

"Anyway, they found epithelial cells and ran the DNA with their database, to see if they could find a match, and they did. You can't argue DNA, so they didn't need your ID to charge him. But Meredith…. They may need it to convict him….."

"I can't," she replied hastily. "I just can't."

"Meredith…." Alex said quietly. "What if there are other women out there? Young girls even? You could lock him away so he doesn't hurt anyone else…."

"I…I can't!" Meredith jumped off the table and ran out the door.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

"Whoa! Slow down, Mer. You're going to hurt yourself." His hands reached out and gently pressed on her shoulders, stopping her in her tracks. She rolled her eyes and looked down at their feet. New Balance tennis shoes and navy blue scrub pants could still take her breath away, or was that the sprint she'd just made down the hallway? Regardless, he was the last person she wanted to run into, but why did his touch suddenly calm her?

"Meredith? You okay?" He lifted her chin with his index finger so that her eyes met his. He stared at her with concern, furrowing his brows and frowning slightly. She was lost in his deep blue eyes, his long beautiful eyelashes, that stupid scrub cap with the sailboats, and unconsciously, tears began to roll down her cheeks. "Meredith….."

"No."

"No?"

"No. I'm not okay." She mustered all the strength in her and pushed past him forcefully, running into the stairwell.

"I knew that," he whispered under his breath as he looked down, shaking his head and darting into the stairwell after her. "Meredith! Please. Slow down!" he shouted, though not too loudly. She shuddered as his voice echoed off the painted cinderblocks towards her, but pushed herself to keep moving. He took the steps two at a time downwards to catch up to her, but stumbled over an untied shoelace near the bottom as she heaved the heavy door open and jolted out into the lobby. "Damn it!" he whispered loudly as he tightened his grip on the railing to steady himself. He looked down at his feet, silently cursing that dirty shoelace, paused, then decided to keep going in lieu of tying it, lest she get away. However, by the time he made it through the lobby, she was gone. He could see her figure disappearing into the door of her car. He ran through the glass doors and watched her drive away. He felt totally defeated, again.

* * *

"McBaby?!" Christina Yang's dark eyes were wide, her mouth hung open in surprise.

"That's why you've been so sick!" Izzie's face mirrored Christina's.

"Um, yeah….." Meredith trailed of and looked over at Alex, who attempted his best surprised look.

George nervously broke the silence. "Does Dr. Shepherd know?"

Meredith breathed in and out quickly. "About that…." She stumbled through the whole ordeal as quickly as she could, not missing a beat, just as she practiced it. She fought back tears, but they never fell. Izzie and George, however. didn't make it through the first minute. Alex stared at her intently, giving a supportive nod every few seconds.

Christina stood up, furious. "They caught the bastard, right? The DNA sample?"

"Yeah…thanks for that by the way," Meredith spat back sarcastically. "Now I have to go in and ID him, that is, if I decide to do so."

"Mer, I'm sorry…." Christina approached her carefully. "I can be your person….I'll go with you…to the courthouse, to the clinic…."

"What clinic?"

She raised her eyebrows and cocked her head, leaning towards Meredith. "I'll be your _person, _Meredith," she insisted under her breath. "You were my person, remember? I'll be yours."

"Christina……" As Christina rested her hand on her arm, Meredith glanced over at Alex again, then back at Christina helplessly. "I….I'm keeping it."

"Why!?"

"I….I know none of you will understand this, but…this baby…. Is the only family I have, and that…well, that's something."

They all nodded silently, except for Christina, who only said, "Well, you're gonna put the guy away, then. He's never gonna get near my best friend's baby." She stood up and began towards the door. "See you tomorrow." Meredith stared at the space where Christina had been sitting beside her on the couch.

"I think she took that well," Alex said with a slight chuckle.

"Yeah….." Meredith didn't divert her eyes or change the void expression on her face.

"Well, I need to get going. Chief resident feels no sympathy for me when I intentionally don't get any rest before my 30-hour scrubby intern shift." George stood up from his chair across the room, yawned, and stretched. He crossed the room and planted a kiss on Meredith's forehead. "You'll be fine. Both of you. See you tomorrow."

When he was gone, the three interns sat silently for several seconds. "I bet I can paint a killer nursery," Izzie said matter-of-factly, sending Meredith into a fit of giggles.

"You see," she said through her laughter. "This is why I finally chose to tell you guys. Because you say silly supportive things like that."

Izzie grinned. "And I bet I can bake anything your cravings desire." She laughed and Alex and Meredith followed her.

"As much as I'd like to sit here and listen to you coo about how much fun motherhood will be, I'm going to bed. My lazy ass hasn't gotten up at 6 AM in almost two months." Meredith bounded up the stairs, leaving only Izzie and Alex.

Once he'd heard Mer's bedroom door close, Alex got up, faking a yawn. "See you in the morning, Izzie."

"Oh, no." Izzie said sarcastically. "You're going to sit back down, Karev, and tell me how long you've known about this."

"What?" Alex's eyes darted in her direction, opened wide. "What do you mean? I just found out tonight like you did!"

"Alex, you're so bad at faking it."

"Huh?"

"It all makes sense now. Your late night and early-morning rendezvous in Meredith's room. Being so protective and supportive of her."

"Maybe that's just how I am." He spat back sarcastically.

"Oh sure Alex." She glanced up at him from her cross-legged position on the rug and rolled her eyes. "Once, for a second, I thought you had a thing for her, but she was way too receptive to you for that to be happening. But you…you reminded me of how you were with me, after Denny…….. But something about it was different"

"Well…" Alex walked over to her and flopped down on the floor in front of her. "I love her Izzie."

"What?!"

"I love her like a little sister, like a best friend. I don't love her like…" He cut himself off and quickly began to stand.

She jerked on his shirt sleeve and pulled him back down. "You don' love her like what, Alex?" she whispered hastily.

"I…I don't love her like….like I love you."


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

"Mark, it's two in the morning!" Addison hissed, pulling him into the hotel room door and shutting it carefully, in hopes that he hadn't woken up the entire floor with his pounding on it a few seconds earlier. "What in the…"

"Addy, you can't leave," he blurted out.

"What?! How did you…"

"Callie told me."

"I'll kill her."

"What, you were just going to slip away and hope nobody noticed?" His eyes flashed in anger, which paired with his disheveled hair and wrinkled t-shirt made him look slightly like a werewolf.

Addison laughed internally. "That was the plan," she replied.

He leaned in toward her and placed his hands on either side of her, pinning her against the wall between his arms. Looking down at her, he took her in: The pink silk robe, the messy red hair, the smudged mascara beneath her eyes from where she'd obviously forgotten to use her eye makeup remover. He smiled, remembering how she almost always did that. "His little raccoon," he'd called her, as he woke up to her every morning for that couple of months. As she breathed shallowly and looked away from him, he lowered his head slightly to breathe in her scent—rose petals. He closed his eyes and swallowed hard. "You can't leave," he whispered, his hot breath tickling her ear.

"Mark, please…." Her body stiffened and she bent downward, attempting to escape from under his left arm. He quickly bent down to match her height with his arms, and continued to do so until they both fell onto the ivory carpeted floor. "This is ridiculous," she interjected at him, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Listen, _I'm_ the one pouting here," he said with a grin. He crossed his legs Indian-style so that he could inch closer to her and raised a hand to her cheek. He brushed away a strand of hair and tucked it behind her ear. "And I'm telling you that if you leave, I'll lose it," his voice was sincere, and his eyes began to brim with tears.

"You lost it a long time ago, Mark, if you think I'm gonna buy this."

"I love you." He said it so quickly she had to take a few seconds to process

She sighed. "Mark, please, let's not go there again."

He pulled her hands into his lap and help on to them. "But I love you," he said more insistently this time.

"We tried Mark," she pleaded. "We made a deal. You broke it. It's just never going to work out for us."

"I didn't break the deal, Addison. You did."

* * *

Across town in the cozy antique house, Izzie Stevens stared at Alex Karev in shock. "Can I remind you about a patient named Ava or Rebecca, or Jane Doe, or whoever she was, that you chased on the day of the non-wedding?"

"You see how we complement each other?" he smirked.

"That's not funny Alex."

"I know. I'm sorry." He sighed and eased down in the floor in front of her. He crossed his legs Indian-style and scooted closer. "The difference between you and Denny and me and Ava, is that man, you really loved Denny. Ava, she was this distraction, something to take my mind off you."

"Alex…."

"Like you and O'Malley."

Izzie's chocolate-brown eyes opened wide in horror. "What did you say?"

"You don't thing I didn't notice?"

"B..but…wh…wha…? She stumbled and stammered over her words. "Do they…?"

"I don't think anyone else knows."

"But how did you…?"

"All my life, I've been this silent observer….. and well….when it comes to _you,_ even more so."

Izzie looked down and fumbled with the threads of the rug. "And Addison Montgomery?"

"So you _were _paying attention. Addy's…special."

"Addy?" She raised her eyebrows and looked back up at him.

He groaned. It wasn't supposed to come out quite like that. "We're friends, okay? There could have maybe been something there, but she's always belonged to someone, and that someone isn't me."

"Huh?" Izzie was clearly confused. "Dr. Shepherd?"

"Sloan."

"Sloan?" She was even more confused. Mark Sloan, yes, he had his moments where he was nice to her, and even seemed like a human being, but she always figured it was just because he wanted to get into her pants.

"Yeah, he's an ass. But, man, he loves her."

"Okay….."

"Like I love you; maybe even deeper than that at this point. We don't have the history that those two have…yet."

"Alex….I…I don't think…"

"Shh…it's okay." He reached out for her face, and placed a palm on each cheek. "You don't have to be ready." She pulled back, but only slightly, as he leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on the space between his right hand and her lips. "It's been an emotional night. I just want you to know than I'll wait for you. I'll wait for you forever." With that, he stood up and walked casually towards his room. She stayed where she was and pulled her legs up close to her, resting her chin on her knee.

"Maybe it won't be _that _long," she whispered.

* * *

"What are you talking about Mark?"

"I saw you. With Karev. You looked….giddy. Like you looked all those years ago when you and Derek would sneak into the on-call rooms in New York."

Addison gasped. "You saw that?"

"I did, and you just looked so….beautiful, and…happy even. Do you know how long it's been since I saw you happy?"

"That's why I'm leaving, Mark. I need to be happy."

"I want you to be happy. That's why I lied. I saw you happy…with Alex. Then, one day, you weren't happy anymore."

"That's why I need to go, Mark," she begged.

"I can make you happy."

"No, Mark. It's too late!"

"No!"

"I already took the job. I have an office waiting for me."

"Then I'll go with you. I'll follow you everywhere, Addy, because I love you." He stood up and smoothed down his sweatpants. "I'll follow you forever." With that, he walked out the door.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

"Okay, guys. Happy Monday, here are your assignments." Callie looked down at the printed sheet of paper and began rambling off names. "Stevens, you're with Dr. Montgomery, Yang's with Sloan, Karev, you're with me, and Grey's with…." She trailed off as residents left the locker room and she actually read the name on the paper before reading it off. "Shepherd." She immediately began explaining herself away. "I'm sorry it turned out like this. My PC just generates a random cycle of residents with attendings and interns, and I didn't look over it before I came in here. But, it was gonna have to happen some time. Might as well just rip the band-aid off right?" She stopped, breathless, and stared at Meredith, who cocked an eyebrow and sighed.

"Fine. Where is he?"

"Um, he's rounding on five. If it helps any, George is with him today, too." She looked on as Meredith turned and walked towards the door. "This is going to be interesting," she mumbled under her breath.

Meredith slowly pushed the elevator button and silently prayed that he wouldn't be on that damn elevator. She breathed a sigh of relief when she was greeted by George O'Mlaley leaning against the back railing. "Morning, George."

"Hey, Mer. Where you headed?"

"Same place you are."

"So, five?"

"Yep. Rounding with Shepherd. Shut up."

"I didn't say anything!" he replied defensively.

"But you were going to."

"Cranky pregnant woman," he remarked as the bell dinged and the door opened. He stood between Meredith and the open door and held out an arm, showing her out.

"I told you to shut up!"

"Just kidding. You're lovely, really." He jogged to catch up with her fast-paced walk towards room 509.

Derek looked up and cleared his throat as they entered. Surprised to see Meredith, he paused for a second, looked down at the chart, looked up at Meredith, then back down at the chart again. "O'Malley. Go." He said quietly.

"Mr. Baldwin is a thirty-five year old man with multiple Grand-Mal seizure episodes in the past week….." As George continued to talk, Meredith could feel her stomach churning. She deliberately swallowed for several seconds, but finally couldn't do it anymore and rushed into the tiny bathroom beside her. As she retched quietly, George pretended to ignore her and kept talking. "We're exploring the possibility of a corpus callosotomy as it has been successful several times in the past…"

The main the bed looked up at George and laughed. "So are you going to check on your colleague?"

"Yes. I was just getting to that." He stepped in front of Dr. Shepherd to cut off the path he was already making to the bathroom, and casually walked through the door. Outside, Derek stood with his hands on hips staring at the bathroom in shock. Had George just totally cut him off? Oh, he could have shoved the little twerp out of the way, but he'd been slowly losing his professionalism over the past year, and he opted not to act like the insanely worried ex-boyfriend that he was at the moment.

"Mer, you okay?"

"I'm fine George." She stood up and turned on the faucet, using her palm to take a couple sips of cool water. She washed her hands, dried them, then adjusted the long ponytail trailing down her back. She quickly walked back into the patient's room and caught Derek's eyes with her gaze. "So when do you plan to schedule the surgery?" she asked him casually.

"Um, today. For Wednesday, Probably," he stammered.

"Good."

* * *

"Meredith!" Addison waved her hand over her head attempting to flag the new resident down in the hallway.

"Yes, Dr. Montgomery?"

"I wish you could learn to call me Addison…..but anyway, you left so fast last week that I didn't even get the chance to examine you and see how things are going. I was thinking maybe lunch?" Addison glanced around and whispered so that anybody who didn't need to hear their conversation didn't.

"Um…" Her eyes darted towards the approaching footsteps and back to Addison. "Fine. 12:30," she said quickly before conveniently slipping into the closet door behind her.

"What are you two doing at 12:30?"

Addison's eyes widened at the familiar voice behind her and she whipped around to face him. "Um, Derek! Hi!" she exclaimed nervously. "Just….lunch, is all."

"You're having lunch with Meredith."

"Yes." She shook her nodded her head up and down and fidgeted nervously.

"Why?"

"Why not? We're friends. Girl talk, that sort of thing."

He held his hand over his mouth for a moment, then crossed his arms and leaned in towards her. "Are you having a meeting of the 'women who are over Derek Shepherd club?' Because that would stink."

"Uhmm….no. Not that I know of. Maybe? I don't know. It's just lunch. I really need to get going," She said hurriedly as she attempted to budge past him.

"Not so fast." He stepped in front of her. "I find it really strange that she's having lunch with _you_, and she's running into closets to avoid talking to _me._"

"I don't know." She lied and shrugged. "I really have to go now." She raced down the hallway, silently begging that he would just leave her alone and walk on by.

He sighed and leaned against the closet door. "These doors don't lock from the inside, you know. It's a safety thing…." He grinned cockily and turned the knob, walking in to find her curled in a ball on the floor underneath a rack of sheets, tears streaming down her red, blotchy face. He quickly pulled the door shut behind him and ran to her, kneeling in the floor beside her. "Meredith? What's wrong?" He put his head against the floor so that he was face to face with her. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to do this to you…." His eyes plead with hers silently.

She grimaced and her breath caught in her throat. "You should…go," she said in-between shaky breaths. "And get Addison."

He straightened up and placed his hands on his knees. He cocked his head to one side and stared at her, confused. "Addison? Wha..?"

"I think I'm having a miscarriage," she whispered calmly, then clutched her lower abdomen, wincing in pain.

**Okay, okay….if you've been reading this story, you know I like cliffhangers, and before you yell at me for making this story so depressing……I promise it's going to get better. Stay tuned for the "happily ever after."**


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

His eyes flashed in fear when the reality of what she'd just told him hit him. "Oh…Meredith…" his hand caressed her cheek and tears began to well up in his concerned eyes as he looked longingly at her.

"Derek, go, before I bleed out all over this closet floor!" she yelled weakly, causing him to jump to his feet. He rushed to the door and opened it, but stood at it for just a second, and looked back at her remorsefully. However, the agony evident in her caused him to dart down the hallway, reaching into his pocket to find his pager. He quickly typed in Addison's number with shaky hands and ran towards her office.

"Stevens!" He saw Izzie and Alex talking by one of the patient rooms and yelled at them. "Meredith! Storage closet down the hall! GO!"

"Huh?" Izzie raised an eyebrow as Alex's eyes opened wide. He turned and grabbed her hand, jerking her down the hallway towards Meredith.

"Damn it, Addison!" Derek cursed under his breath as he bounded up the stairs, taking them two by two. He'd paged her twice and called her cell phone once. It simply rang and rang until her voice mail kicked in. "Addy! Whatever you're doing drop it!" he screamed into his phone receiver. He finally reached her office on the next floor and threw the door open. Addison sat atop her desk, and Mark was leaning up against her, whispering into her ear. "Oh, seriously! It's a good thing you're fully clothed!" he barked, both of them turning to face him with stunned expressions. "Addy, it's Meredith! She needs you, now!"

"Meredith?" Mark stood straight up and smoothed down the front of his scrubs as Addison jumped down to the floor and pulled her white coat on.

"No time to explain, Mark." She pushed past him and jogged into the hallway with Derek and towards the stairwell. "What are her symptoms?" He looked straight ahead of him and continued down the stairs silently. "Derek! Symptoms!"

"Severe lower abdominal pain, that's all I know. Oh, and she's pregnant. Though I'm sure you knew that."

"Derek, please…."

"You were talking about the baby earlier. You were meeting at lunch about the baby. Was she doing okay? With the pregnancy? Any complications before now?"

"I don't know. I hadn't examined them yet." She disappeared into the closet, where Izzie and Alex held her hands and were easing her into a wheelchair. "Meredith, you need to stay calm," she said coolly. "Try not to tense up. That'll make it worse. Get her to an exam room with stirrups," she quietly told Izzie.

Outside, Derek sprang towards them as Izzie and Alex wheeled her down the hallway. Alex gently nudged him out of the way. "You should keep your distance, Shepherd," he said calmly.

"What?! Who are you to tell me that?"

"Derek, he's right." Addison placed a hand on his shoulder and nodded for Alex and Izzie to proceed with her into the exam room.

"B-but that's my baby…and my……my Meredith," he said quietly, defeated. She frowned and went into the room as he fell against the wall and into the floor.

* * *

"There's very minimal bleeding. That's good." Addison proceeded with her exam and continued to talk calmly. "This will be cold." She squirted the jelly onto Meredith's flat stomach and she gasped.

"They always say that. You'd think I would have been a little more prepared for it," Meredith remarked, as Izzie giggled and grabbed her hand.

Addison studied the screen intensely and maneuvered the wand over her lower abdomen. "There. You hear it?" She smiled and looked into Meredith's tear-filled eyes. "Heartbeat. It's strong."

Meredith smiled and wiped a tear from her cheek with her free hand. "That's good, right?"

"Yeah. It is. So, there's not a lot to see yet, but there's your baby." She pointed to the screen and smiled. "Head there, and feet, and arms." She pointed to the screen and Meredith and Izzie grinned. "But Meredith, if you want to keep this baby, you've got to take care of yourself. Rest, try to stay as calm as possible. If you're tense, all of you is tense, including your uterus. I'd say that's what brought the cramping on. You're safe for now, but I can't promise you about next time." Meredith nodded and bit her bottom lip. "So….I say you should take the next couple of days off, and try again maybe Thursday, but there is one thing…"

"What's that?"

"Derek."

"What about him?"

"You're going to have to work with him in this hospital throughout your pregnancy. I'd suggest you find a way to…not go into uterine spasms when he's around." She wiped Meredith's stomach off and removed her gloves, tossing them into a trash can. "Maybe you should talk to him, or at least hear him out." She stood up and pulled a piece of glossy paper from the nearby printer. "Your first baby picture," she said, placing it in Meredith's hand. "I need to see you in a week. We'll talk about your prenatal care." She walked out the door to find Derek, Alex, George, and Mark huddled around the door.

"How is she?" Derek jumped up, quickly followed by Alex.

"Baby looks fine. Meredith…needs to chill out," she replied curtly, then looked down at her feet and sauntered down the hall. Mark quickly followed her.

Izzie opened the door and walked out, pulling it shut behind her. "You can go in, now." Alex and George both went for the door, and she stopped them. "Actually, I was talking to _you._" She nodded in Derek's direction.

He shook his head quickly, startled. "Really?" Izzie nodded. He took a breath and turned the door handle. The room was dimly lit, with only the sunlight streaming through the blinds. She was pulling her scrub top over her head, her hair cascading down her back in long golden waves. Her back was turned to him, so he just stood there, taking her in. She turned around and looked at him somberly.

"You need to know something," she said hoarsely.

"What's that?"

"I'm pregnant."

"I know." He nodded and smiled, walking closer to her. "I'm going to be a daddy."

Tears clouded her eyes as she backed away from him. "No. You're not."


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

He'd been punched in the stomach, all the breath knocked out of him. He gasped for air, but to no avail, and as he reached out for the desk chair to steady himself, he felt his knees buckle under the now dead-weight of his limp body. He struggled to keep his own feet underneath him, and could only muster a strangled "Why?!" through the darkness overcoming him.

She closed her eyes and swallowed the dry lump forming in her throat, racking her brain to find the words, and after much agonizing silence, she spoke. "You were tired of breathing for me, so I left, and I made a mistake. I'm sorry." She rushed through her words so that he didn't hear the shaky apprehension, and she looked down so he wouldn't see the tears that clouded her eyes, and in his brokenness, he simply turned and walked away, the door closing with a quiet click behind him. She stood frozen and listened until she could no longer hear his footsteps, then fell to her knees, buried her face in her hands, and dissolved into a puddle of tears and sobs.

* * *

"Are you out of your frickin' mind??" Christina jumped to her feet, hovering over Meredith's position on the couch.

She sighed. "I don't see what you have to complain about. It was just a few weeks ago that we vowed to stick by each other in our singleness, remember? Now, we'll do just that."

Christina sat down and rolled her eyes. "He's going to hate you, you know that?"

"It's better that way…..I think. I don't need him all worrying and hovering, and he doesn't deserve to have to pick up the pieces of this mess that I am, and he certainly doesn't need to have to deal with this baby. It's better this way." She kept saying that, if only to try to convince herself.

"You're sure the baby can't be his?"

"I'm Meredith Grey. Have you paid any attention to the train wreck that is my life? Of course this baby wouldn't be his. My life doesn't work out that way."

"Okay, fine. Go to bed. Big day tomorrow. I'll see you at eight-thirty."

"See you then." Meredith stood to her feet and yawned. The day had left her exhausted, and she was grateful that after her appointment in the morning, she'd still have the rest of the day and the next to hide in her bedroom before having to show back up at Seattle Grace for work.

* * *

"Banana nut muffins, French toast, and chocolate chip pancakes," Izzie chirped as Meredith staggered into the kitchen the next morning. "I wasn't sure which one you'd want, so I made all three."

"Excellent!" Alex jogged into the room and grabbed a plate, only to have his hand quickly slapped away.

"This breakfast is for Meredith!" Izzie retorted. "Back away until she's finished filling her plate!"

"Fine, fine!" Alex held his hands up in surrender and backed away from the kitchen counter. "You're cute when you're bossy." He smiled and winked and he leaned against the refrigerator door and crossed his arms, his biceps flexing through his work black t-shirt.

"You're still not getting anything until she's done," she giggled and smiled at him as she used a spatula to toss a pancake onto Meredith's plate. "Whipped cream or syrup?" She help up both for Meredith to see as Alex widened his eyes then cleared his throat.

"Mmm…both," she grabbed the can of whipped cream out of Izzie's outstretched hand, then placed her plate back on the counter so she could reach the bottle of syrup as well.

As she expertly squirted both onto her pancakes, Alex wrinkled his nose. "That's disgusting."

"You should try it," Meredith placed both pancake toppings back down on the counter and strode over to the refrigerator. "I need milk," she said into Alex's neck.

"You could say something like, 'Would you mind moving, Dr. Karev?"

"Ha! Very funny. Out of her way."

"You could stand up for me, you know," Alex smirked and looked over in Izzie's direction. Even in a faded sweatshirt with no makeup, she was gorgeous.

"This is heavenly, Iz. Thank you." Meredith moaned in pleasure and took another bite from her seated position at the table.

"You're welcome. I thought you could use some comfort food this morning."

"You thought right, but I think I might need a few more pounds of sugar and chocolate to get through this day smoothly. Liquor preferably, but we know I can't do that anymore, for the next few months, anyway."

"You're sure you don't need us to go with you?" Alex got out of funny-mode and walked over to her, placing a hand on her arm.

"Christina's coming. I'll be fine. Don't want to put on a spectacle with a crowd of people hovering over me. Besides, I've gotten all of you out of too many days of work this past couple months anyway. The rest of them will start to think we're the favorites or something."

"Oh, they know we're the favorites. Toss me a muffin, evil spawn." Christina entered the kitchen loudly and casually caught the muffin in one hand. "I used to think your baking to try to fix things was a little twisted, Izzie, but you know, it's pretty yummy."

"I'll go get dressed." Meredith pushed away from the table as she finished eating and went towards the stairs.

"You've got twenty minutes before we need to leave." Christina glanced at her watch as she followed Meredith to the stairway. "And no drowning yourself in the bathtub!"

* * *

"How you doing?" Christina grasped Meredith's hand as they stared up at the ominous brick building in front of them.

"I'm fine."

"Liar."

"I'll…be…fine."

"Liar."

"Shut up."

"Okay, then. Let's go." They trudged up the steps slowly and entered the Seattle court house.

"I have an appointment with Detective Schmidt." Meredith cleared her throat and looked intently at the receptionist in the third floor lobby.

"Oh yes, Dr. Grey. They're in there." She pointed to a steel door just inside the hallway. "You can go on in."

"Here we go." Meredith froze and grabbed Christina's arm, her grip tightening with each moment.

"You can do this," Christina whispered as she gently pulled Meredith's hand off her arm.

"I can't do this." Meredith's eyes filled with terror.

"No. You can do this."

Meredith nodded solemnly and slowly. "I can do this…….. just give me a little push."

"How about a pull?" Christina grabbed her hand and led her to the door. "Now you open it." Meredith obeyed and pushed the door open carefully. She peeked her head inside the dimly lit room with a fake, nervous smile.

"Come in Ms. Grey." A man in a black suit stood up and motioned for her to take his seat. "We'll bring them in whenever you're ready." She nodded and stepped over to the hard, wooden chair, then eased into it. Christina stepped behind her and put her hands on her shoulders, squeezing gently.

"Okay." The man nodded and motioned to the jailer on the other side of the window. They all filed in slowly. One, two, three….then there he was. She would have known him anywhere. It was those eyes. Those dark, emotionless eyes. A sob escaped her lips without her noticing it and she covered her mouth with her tiny hand. "Number 4," she whispered. "That's him."


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

The bell on the door jingled as Mark entered Joe's and approached the bar. "Where is he?" Joe pointed to the far corner of the bar and nodded in that direction.

"I cut him off over an hour ago, but…Well, there he is." Mark looked longingly at the figure in black hunched over the bar and looked down, shaking his head. He approached him slowly and placed his hand on his shoulder, but he didn't budge.

"Derek!" He shook him gently, and then harder when he still got no response. Finally, he shuddered and lifted his head slightly, turned it to the side, and opened one eye to look at the man hovering over him.

"What?" he groaned hoarsely.

"It's time to go, Shep."

"No."

"Yes." He swung his arms under Derek's elbows and pulled him up to his feet. "Think you can walk?"

"Of course I can walk!" he scoffed indignantly. He held one hand out to grab the bar and steady himself, then held on as far as he could before letting go and staggering into a nearby empty table. Mark casually walked over and hoisted him back up to his feet, then dusted the peanut shells off Derek's sweatshirt.

"Time to straighten up and quit screwing around, Dr. Shepherd. Let's get you home." He wrapped an arm around his waist and pulled his arm over his shoulder.

"You know I really hate you right now…" Derek slurred into Mark's face.

"You've said worse to me. I'll try not to take it too personally." With that, he led him outside to the silver BMW and pushed him into the passenger seat.

* * *

"I know I was supposed to be there a month ago, but it's just not a good time, Naomi." Addison spoke in a hushed voice into her cell phone as she handed Mark a bottle of water and a damp washcloth. "I know, I know. I'm still planning on coming. It's just that Derek….." She paused as her old friend scolded her on the other end of the line. "You know you'd do the same thing if you were me……..Yeah, I'll talk to you later." She folded the phone back together and placed it on the kitchen counter of the apartment she'd been subleasing for the past several months and tip-toed into her bedroom, where Derek lay sprawled across her bed in a pair of Mark's spare scrubs, and Mark sat in the floor thumbing through a magazine. "This is getting really bad," she remarked, standing by the bed with her arms crossed.

"I know." Mark put tossed the magazine against the wall and stood up beside her and wrapped an arm around her. She tensed for a second, but then relaxed into his embrace.

"I'm beginning to think it's time for 12 steps or something."

"He's just having a hard time, Ad. Tell me again why we can't tell him the truth?"

She ignored his question. "He wasn't like this with me," she remarked.

"I was…"

She ignored him again. "It's been two and a half months, Mark."

He changed the subject. "Let's go to the living room and let him sleep it off." He led her away and flopped onto the couch, reaching out a hand for her to join him. "So, I was thinking…."

"About what?"

"About you going to LA."

"We've been through this, Mark. I'm going."

"Then I'm going, too."

* * *

George snuck into the resident's lounge and found her asleep on the couch. He bent down and kissed her softly on the forehead, and her eyes fluttered open. "Good morning handsome."

"It's noon, beautiful." He bent down and playfully smacked her behind, urging her to sit up and scoot over.

"Hey!" Callie giggled and sat up, rubbing her eyes. "I had two surgeries and four admissions last night. Give a girl a break!" She inched close to him and bent her knees up, placing them in his lap after he sat down. "How's your day been so far?"

"Where's the remote to this thing?" He pointed to the television in front of him.

"Huh?"

"The news comes on in two minutes. The jury was supposed to present their verdict this morning."

"Oh…." She nodded understandingly and stood up to fetch the remote beside the coffee pot. As she flipped the TV on and turned to channel four, there was a light tap at the door. Izzie, Alex, and Christina all filed in quietly.

"Is it on yet?" Christina asked anxiously.

"News is just starting." They all walked towards the TV and sat in various places around it, then stared at it silently.

A blonde newscaster came on the screen. "I'm here live at the Seattle Courthouse where Michael McGraw, now known as the city's serial rapist, has just been sentenced to twenty-five years without the possibility of parole. McGraw was found guilty yesterday of seven counts of first-degree rape, four counts of attempted murder, and one count of voluntary manslaughter. His sentencing was influenced in large part by the testimony of rape victim specialist, Dr. Addison Forbes Montgomery, an OB/GYN at the renowned Seattle Grace Hospital, as well as a positive identification by McGraw's last confirmed victim, who has wished to remain anonymous, but was seen leaving this very building two months ago immediately after charges were filed in the case." The screen switched to a profile shot of Meredith and Christina rushing down the courthouse steps.

"Oh no…" Izzie breathed.

* * *

Derek stumbled into the on-call room without turning on the lights. He wasn't tired, as he'd slept for thirteen hours on Addison's bed the night before, but his head was killing him, and the recent tongue-lashing from the Chief about his lack of responsibility had left him mentally exhausted. "TV," he whispered. Maybe TV could at least drown out the silent screaming inside of him. He kicked off his shoes and placed them neatly under the bed, then took off his watch and pager and set them on the bedside table. Then he reached for the remote before falling onto the bed and switching the television on. He left it on the channel it had been on before and let the remote control fall to the floor with loud clatter before he leaned his head back against his intertwined fingers and stared at the newscast absently.

It was the mention of Addison's name that had gotten his attention, but it was the next image on the screen that sent him reeling. He sat up quickly and panted, "Oh my god……"


	22. Chapter 22

_**Are you guys ready? This is the last chapter, and the dramatic conclusion to **__**To Make You Feel My Love.**__** I hope you love it!**_

Chapter 22

The pounding on the front door grew louder and louder, rousing Meredith from her afternoon nap. "Ugfh…" She rolled over and rubbed her eyes, the swung her legs over the edge of the bed and looked down at her feet. Her ankles were already swollen, and she was just entering her fifth month. She patted the slight bulge on her stomach and talked quietly to it. "Mommy's going to answer that, but just so she can go back to sleep once the racket stops." She yawned as she pushed herself off the bed and onto the floor, then walked casually down the stairs to the foyer. "Alex, if you forgot your key again, I'm going to…." She fell silent as she pulled the door open and saw him standing there. His eyes were bloodshot and rimmed with tears, and he hadn't shaven in what she guessed was about a week.

He looked at her, but didn't speak. He buried his hands in his pockets and looked down at the concrete porch under his feet. "Derek?" she said quietly. "What are you doing here?"

"Can I come in?" He caught sight of her belly and frowned. This was the first time he'd noticed how pregnant she actually looked, as he'd made every effort to avoid her lately.

"Um…yeah." She opened the door wide and stepped to the side, watching him carefully as he stepped in.

"I went over this and over this on the way over here, and I still don't know hoe to say it, other than I'm sorry."

"What?" She held a puzzled expression on her face and turned to face him. "What are you talking about? What do you have to be sorry for?"

"A lot of things…… but, the thing is….I know, Mer."

"You know what?"

"I know what happened to you."

"You…you do?"

"You were raped….." His own words stung his ears as he spoke him, and he choked back the lump rising in his throat. Then, as he reached a hand up to her cheek, tears spilled over and coursed down.

"I…..I…." She tried her best to come up with words, but she couldn't, and in the end of her racing thoughts, her face crumpled under his touch, and her tears matched his. He grimaced and met her eyes through his tears before reaching out and pulling her close. His arms enveloped her and as she fell onto him, he could feel the swell of her abdomen pressing against him. "I was raped," she cried into his shoulder. "And now I'm pregnant."

"I'm so sorry," he whispered. "I should have been there to save you. I'm so sorry…." He stroked her hair with one hand as the other clutched the small of her back. "If I'd only been there…."

"No!" She planted her hands on his chest and pushed away. "You couldn't have been there! You can't change things! You want to make everything better, and sometimes you just can't!" Her eyes widened at the screech of her own voice and she stepped back, mouth open, as she felt a rapid movement within her abdomen.

"Meredith? What is it?" He lunged toward her carefully, hands open to catch her if she broke. She steadied herself against the stair railing and dropped onto the bottom step, her hands both planted against her stomach. He immediately fell to his knees in front of her. "You okay?" His hands instinctively found themselves wrapped around her hips.

"Shh…. He's moving. Feel." She grabbed one of his hands and pressed it against her t-shirt alongside her other hand. Uncomfortable, he tried to pull away, but she kept his hand firmly in place. "Wait for it……there! Did you feel that?"

He nodded then frowned, knitting his brows. "Yeah." He looked up at her and cocked his head to one side. She was smiling, and he was confused.

"There." She pointed at him accusingly. "That's why I wanted you to think otherwise; so you wouldn't have to feel what you're feeling right now."

"What?"

"You're confused. My baby just kicked your hand, and you're I told you what I told you…. I told you that because I didn't want you to feel obligated. I didn't want you to feel guilty. I didn't want you to feel trapped."

"Why….why would I feel…any of those things?"

"I love him, Derek. My baby, I love him." He nodded silently. "And he's not yours," she continued. "I never thought I could love a child who isn't yours, Derek, but I do."

"He could be mine. I mean, we…..he could be mine, right?" He looked up at her smiling, hopeful.

"Derek, you can't. You can't do this. You can't try to save me, you can't be a daddy, and you _can't _fix me. Don't you understand?"

He let out a half-laugh and moved over to the step beside her. "No, Meredith. I don't understand." He ran both hands through his hair then rested his elbows on his knees, letting his hands fall between them.

"That's why you should go." She stared at the door in front of her.

"What I don't….understand….is why you don't understand how much I love you." He turned to face her and placed his hands on her knees.

"Derek, please. Don't do this…. You can't do this."

"I'm doing this. I don't know what to do, Meredith. I don't know how to make you feel it."

"How to make me feel what?"

"My love, Meredith. I want you to feel my love, so here it goes. I'm going to talk, and you're going to listen, okay?" She just looked at him. "I love you. I love you so much it hurts. I've tried to protect you, I've tried to save you, I've tried to be your "knight in shining whatever." And I…. I never felt like it was working, Meredith. You're a brick wall, and I don't know how to get through you. I don't know what you're thinking, and I don't know how to fix you, but what I do know is that I can't live without you. So, hold up your defenses, push me away, but I'm going to be here. I'm going to be here, because I'm in this. I'm in this for….forever."

Tears welled up in her eyes and she stared into his. "I was in it for forever, too."

"You _were_ in it?"

"And you left, Derek. You lied about being married, and then when I begged you to choose me, you chose her."

"Meredith…." His hand reached for hers, and she pulled it away.

"Then, you came back, and you were perfect, until my life started to…suck. Like it usually does. Then, you were tired of breathing for me, Derek, and I really needed you to breathe for me."

Tears coursed down his cheeks and his body was racked with sobs. "I'm so sorry, Mer. I'll breathe for you for the rest of my life it that's what it takes!"

"But I don't want you to breathe for me anymore."

"Meredith…please……"

"You breathed for me for a long time. I was drowning….and you saved me."

"Um…" He stifled a laugh through his tears. "I think you stole that one."

"No. Literally. I was drowning. You saved me. And they told me how broken you were while I was gone. I couldn't wrap my mind around that. I couldn't imagine anyone being that broken over me."

"I was broken. I still am. Because I haven't been able to touch you. I haven't been able to kiss you. I haven't been able to make love to you, and without that, I'm broken, Meredith."

"I think I'm broken, too."

"Can I try to fix you? Can I just love you?"

She nodded. "You can love me, but you can't fix me."

"But I can love you." He leaned forward, and they embraced in a long, sweet, kiss.

* * *

"Okay, Meredith. Just one more big push," Addison coaxed from beneath a surgical mask.

"I can't. I'm so tired….."

"Yes. You can." Derek's eyes danced, and she could see the smile even though it was covered with a mask. He placed one arm around her back and clasped his free hand around hers. "You ready? Go!" She pushed with all her strength and he with all his, and when she heard the tiny cries, she collapsed back onto the pillow and closed her eyes.

"Here's your baby boy," Addison cooed, as she placed him on her chest.

Meredith looked down at him and smiled with tears in her eyes, and then she gasped. Those eyes. How could she not know those eyes? Derek looked down at him and pulled the mask away from his face, his shock evident. Fresh tears rolled down her cheeks as she looked adoring at her son. He had his eyes. He had Derek's eyes. Then, her best friend looked down at her, grinned, and pulled her close, planting a long kiss on her forehead. "Hey there, sweetie," she cooed. "I'm your mommy."

"And I'm your daddy……"

Andtheylivedhappilyeverafter. THE END.

To Make You Feel My Love – Garth Brooks

When the rain is blowing in your face  
And the whole world is on your case  
I would offer you a warm embrace  
To make you feel my love  
When the evening shadows and the stars appear  
And there is no one to dry your tears  
I could hold you for a million years  
To make you feel my love  
I know you haven't made your mind up yet  
But I would never do you wrong  
I've known it from the moment that we met  
No doubt in my mind where you belong  
I'd go hungry, I'd go blind for you  
I'd go crawling down the aisle for you  
There ain't nothing that I wouldn't do  
To make you feel my love  
The storms are raging on a rolling sea  
Down the highway of regret  
The winds of change are blowing wild and free  
But you ain't seen nothing like me yet  
There ain't nothing that I wouldn't do  
Go to the ends of the earth for you  
Make you happy, make your dreams come true  
To make you feel my love


End file.
